


The Swan

by scatterthestars



Series: The Aves [2]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Blaine/OC - Freeform, Fluff, Kurt/OC - Freeform, M/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:08:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 37,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25601851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scatterthestars/pseuds/scatterthestars
Summary: The week on the cruise was just the beginning.KurtHe never planned to see Blaine again.  To keep him, and the amazing week they spent together, in the past.  To continue life how he lived it before.  But that's easier said than done.  Not when he can't stop thinking about Blaine.  Not when it becomes harder and harder to deny what he makes him feel.  So seeing him again as his professor forces him to face feelings and desires he promised himself to never deal with.BlaineAlthough every part of him wanted to see the guy from the cruise again, he never anticipated happening the way it does.  And after Kurt makes it clear where he stands when it comes to what he wants, that doesn't make things any easier.  He does his best to move on.  To forget the guy who flipped his world upside down in seven days.  But some things are not easy to walk away from.Can a guy afraid of being hurt put himself in the way of letting that happen?Can a guy who aches find a way to hold onto hope of having the one person he wants more than anyone else?Can two men who want different things find their way to each other?
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Series: The Aves [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1862146
Comments: 70
Kudos: 143





	1. Chapter 1




	2. Kurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to The Swan! I know some of y'all have been excited for this one. Hope I can live up to what you guys want. A couple of things before you begin reading, this story will be told from both Kurt and Blaine's POVs. This first chapter has a couple scenes of Kurt with other men. I would say skip those scenes, but I think they are necessary to read considering Kurt's thoughts during them.

_"I don't make love. I fuck...hard." -Fifty Shades of Grey_

"I'll be honest. I didn't expect you to call."

Kurt pulls on the wrinkled shirt that he dropped to the floor hours earlier. Sits at the end of Parker's messy bed and grabs his shoes from where he kicked them off. The memory of hastily undressing and falling into bed with Parker hours ago flashes through his mind.

He looks back at the guy he fucked for the first time back in May in the laundry room. The guy he just spent the evening fucking.

Parker sits up against his padded headboard. The white sheet from his bed rests low around his waist. The base of his cock just visible. Kurt greedily drinks in the sight of hard muscles and defined abs. Scans his eyes over the feather tattoo on Parker's left pec. Drops them to the outline of the cock that was inside him less than thirty minutes ago. The cock he can still recall fucking him hard and fast.

That’s something he doesn’t need to be thinking about. Not when he’s trying to leave.

"Why are you surprised I called?" he asks to ignore the want that thrums through him. Looks ahead and shoves his feet into his shoes.

"I heard talk about you."

_ No shit. _ There's always talk about him. Always will be. Mainly from the men he’s fucked. So Parker's admission doesn't surprise him in the least.

"What kind of talk?" He doesn't care what Parker could potentially say. He's heard it all before. Has brushed aside every harsh comment spoken behind his back. And directed at him. Which there have been plenty of. Mostly from guys pissed off that he wouldn't fuck again. Or guys he wouldn't fuck to begin with. Sometimes even a few girls. But that was mostly for screwing their boyfriends.

The talk doesn't bother him like it once did when he was younger. When he cared what others thought of him. But he’s grown up. Has realized no one’s opinion matters but his own. Has learned that no one develops a thick skin by avoiding and ignoring criticism and rude comments.

"That you're the best lay on campus, but don't fuck the same guy twice," Parker replies. His brows bunch together while curiosity fills his brown eyes. He cocks his head slightly. "Why is that?"

"Who said that?"

"A couple of guys I know that you've slept with. One of which is straight, by the way."

Kurt grins. Once again amused and proud that he's the best lay a straight guy had. It strokes his ego. But the enjoyment quickly fades.

"So, why don't you fuck the same guy twice?"

"The same reason people don't use the same condom twice: they have no more use for it after the first time."

There's a moment of silence that follows his reply. A part of him wonders what Parker is thinking. But a larger part doesn't care. He doesn't care about the opinion of some guy he only fucks. A guy that he uses for his pleasure.

"So, you use guys and throw them away after getting what you want?"

"You make it sound like a bad thing."

"Isn't it?"

Kurt stands and faces Parker. Buttons his jeans. "No." There's no shame or regret in his voice. He has nothing to be shameful or regretful about. He lives his life a certain way. If someone else has trouble agreeing with it, that's their problem. He's happy and content with the choices he makes.

_ Liar! _

He ignores the voice in his head. The voice that calls him out on his bullshit. Because there are a few choices he’s made in the last few months that he is not happy about.

Parker looks at him with confused eyes. "What about me?"

"What about you?" He runs his fingers through his messed up hair. Fixes it as best as he can without a brush and mirror. Not really caring if it’s not entirely fixed since he’s just going home when he leaves Parker’s place.

The corner of Parker's mouth curls up in a proud grin. "You fucked me again."

"Great observation skills there, Sherlock Holmes." Kurt visibly rolls his eyes, not caring about hurting Parker's feelings. He already got what he wanted out of him three times tonight. No need to play nice. "But don't go thinking this means something. You're not the only guy I've fucked more than once."

The smile Parker wears falters at his words. "I'm not?"

"No. I have a handful of guys I fuck again because they're good in bed."

"How many guys?"

"Including you? Four."

Curiosity sparks in Parker's eyes. "Why me tonight?"

"Because the guy I usually call and fuck decided to go and get himself a boyfriend in the last few weeks," Kurt replies, still surprised by that fact. When Richard told him, there was no sudden awakening of long ignored feelings; or jealousy. Both of which he knows Richard was hoping for. No. Instead, he just casually told him okay and left. Not at all upset beyond the fact that he lost one of the guys he calls for go to great sex. "And the two other guys already had plans for tonight. So, it was the process of elimination. I called and you agreed."

Parker furrows his brows. "What if I had said no?"

"Then I would have found someone else to fuck. No big deal. There would have been plenty of guys at a club for me to pick from." It in no way bothers him if he's hurting Parker's feelings. He doesn't care about them. "But you didn't say no. And here we are."

"And now you're leaving after getting what you wanted."

"Yes. Quit acting so upset about this arrangement." Kurt scans the floor for the keys he dropped somewhere. Why can’t Parker be like any other guy who is happy to have gotten laid? "You got what you wanted too. Aha!" He bends down and picks up his keys when he spots them poking out from under the shirt Parker was wearing.

When he stands back up, it's to Parker having kicked the sheet down and stroking his cock. His attention goes to Parker's hand. Stomach clenching in want at the sight of his cock.

"Stay."

He lifts his eyes to Parker and the knowing smirk he wears. "I don't sleep over."

"Who said anything about sleeping?" Parker rubs the palm of his hand over the slick head of his cock. Lets out a soft, sensual moan. "Let me fuck you again. Want to bury my cock in your ass." He pushes his hips up into his tight fist. "I know you want it too."

He does want it. Even after three rounds of sex, there's a need for more. That itch he still has no matter how much he scratches.

“What makes you think that?”

Parker drops his eyes to the bulge in his jeans. A smirk turns his lips up as he lifts his eyes back up to him. “A hunch. So, you wanna fuck or not?”

Kurt pulls his shirt off once again; drops it to the floor. Notices Parker's proud grin as he toes out of his shoes. He watches him tear open a foil packet and roll the condom on as he shoves his jeans off. His cock springs free hard with precum already beading at the tip. He gives a few strokes before climbing onto the bed and straddling Parker's hips.

Parker slicks up his cock. 

While Parker holds the base of his cock, he lowers his hips and sinks down around him. Immensely enjoys the stretch and burn.

"I'm so fucking glad you called," Parker grunts after he's buried deep inside him.

Kurt snorts. Holds back an eye roll.

He doesn't wait to begin riding Parker. Fucks him with a hunger and franticness that Parker matches.

Hips thrust up into him as he slams his down. Grinds them against Parker before doing it again and again and again.

Fingers dig into his hips hard enough to leave marks. He watches the cords of muscles on Parker's neck strain as he tips his head back and fucks him. Sees the muscles of his stomach clench as he feels his cock twitch inside him.

Instead of continuing his fast pace and letting Parker come, he slows down and leans over him. Eyes filled with confusion look up at him.

"Wha-"

"Not gonna let you come yet," Kurt replies with a smirk.

"Oh fuck!" Parker softly groans.

This time as he fucks Parker, it's with slow rolls of his hips. He groans every time he lifts his hips and feels every thick inch of Parker slide out of him. Only to slowly take him back into his body.

He teases him for a long time. Takes him to the edge several times only to back off. Draws out his pleasure as long and as best as he can.

When they're both covered in sweat and panting and so fucking hard a single touch would send them both over, he finally lets Parker come.

He watches him throw his head back and shout as he rides his waves of pleasure. Feels his cock twitching inside him as he empties into the condom.

Laid down, face buried in the curve of Parker's neck, eyes screwed shut, lips part against Parker's hot skin. Soft moans fall from his mouth. Then he does the one thing he promised himself weeks ago he would stop doing: he thinks of Blaine. Imagines it's his hands holding him. His heart he feels racing against his chest. His heavy pants that fill his ear. His cock he works his hips down on.

He comes with a cry between his and Parker's stomach. Fights from accidentally crying out Blaine's name like he’s done dozens of times in the past three months. Stills and trembles as he rides the waves of pleasure from his release while still thinking of Blaine. Feels his cock pulse a few more times because of it.

He forces the thoughts away after a few moments. Relaxes against Parker as he enjoys his high.

"That was the best fucking orgasm I've ever had," Parker exhales on a shaky breath in what sounds like shock and delight.

Kurt smiles. Lifts his head to look at him. "You're welcome." He places a quick peck to his lips. Stomach clenching when he remembers those lips wrapped around his cock earlier. Then remembers the feeling of how they felt wrong. Felt less full and perfect.

Parker chuckles.

He lies next to him in bed. Grabs a tissue from the box on Parker's nightstand to clean himself. Wipes away the mess on his stomach and chest.

Parker doesn't make a move to clean himself. Gets more comfortable by placing a bent arm under his head. Those brown eyes of his watching him as he cleans. "I love your ass."

It’s not the first time a guy has told him that after they’ve fucked. And he’s sure it won’t be the last.

"I bet you say that to all the boys you fuck," Kurt jokes. He balls up the dirty tissue and drops it in the small waste bin by Parker's bed. Turns to face him on his side.

Parker mirrors his position after tossing away his used condom. Head propped up on his hand. "The only boys I've fucked are you and another guy."

Kurt internally groans. Knows exactly what Parker is trying to accomplish. Does what he does best and nips it in the bud right away. "I hope you don't think I'm flattered by that." That kind of information has no kind of bearing on him. It doesn't make his heart flutter or fill him with pride at knowing Parker thought he was special enough to explore his budding sexuality. Parker is still just another guy for him to fuck. To use for his pleasure.

He rolls his eyes at the frown Parker isn't able to contain. It's things like that that he hates when he sleeps with a guy. The disappointment he sees them wear when he isn't impressed or moved by their words or gestures. That's usually a sign for him to leave. To get out of there before the guy starts to let his thoughts run away with him and think this could be more.

He sits up. Ready to do just that. To bail. It’s what he does best. As many men have told him over the years. "I should go."

Parker sits up. Presses a kiss to his shoulder that is tender and sweet, and that he hates entirely. In fact every loving touch and kiss from Parker tonight he has hated. It's not what he came over for. He wanted rough, dirty sex. Not to be showered with passion and tender touches. The only time he wants that is with...

He forces himself not to go there. To not think about finishing that thought. It'll only ruin this night. The high he is on.

"Can I ask you something?"

Kurt prays to every high entity there is that Parker's question isn't one that could ruin what he has with him. Because he would really love to fuck him again.

"What?" He tries not to be obvious about what he's doing by slowly moving away from Parker and the kisses he keeps placing along his shoulder. After a few seconds he manages to slip away from him and climb off the bed. Grabs his discarded jeans and pulls them on; glad he decided to forgo underwear. It’s one less item of clothing he has to worry about locating and putting on.

"You're leaving?" The tone of Parker's voice holds disappointment.

"Is that your question?"

"No. I just thought you would stay a bit longer."

Kurt buttons his jeans. Pulls up the zipper. "I'm tired." That's a lie. He's far from tired. Probably has enough energy and stamina to go a couple more rounds with Parker if he wanted to. But he doesn't. Staying and fucking Parker would only enforce the romantic ideas he's thinking. "Plus, I have an early class in the morning."

"It's barely six minutes past nine," Parker points out. "You can stay a couple of more hours. We can fuck a few more times."

As tempting as the offer sounds, Kurt is ready to climb into his bed and be alone. To think about how in the morning, he's going to have to face the person messing up his head. Is making it more and more difficult to have a sex life that doesn't involve him in some way.

"Sorry." He pulls on his shirt. Sits at the end of the bed and grabs his shoes. "What was your question?"

There's a few moments of silence that follow his question. He begins to think Parker isn't going to ask him whatever it was he wanted to know.

"Oh. Right." He still prays Parker doesn't ruin this by asking him out. The thought of which sours his stomach. Why can't he just enjoy the no strings attached sex he asks for? Why can't they have fun—get off with each other a few times—without the need for more? "You obviously don't date or do relationships."

"Not a question." He shoves a foot into one shoe. Ties the laces.

"I'm getting there. I was just wondering if anyone has ever made you question that choice?"

An image of Blaine flashes in his mind as his fingers still while tying the laces on the other shoe. He thinks of the things Blaine made him feel and want. Things that are still there and still scare him. Terrify him enough to have done what he did two months ago.

Once again Blaine manages to sneak into his thoughts during a hook-up. Screws with his emotions and the high that's quickly fading.

"No," he lies in response to Parker's question. There's several reasons why he won't tell Parker the truth. The main one being that it's none of his business.

"What if it happens?"

Kurt quickly finishes tying his shoes and stands. Does his best not to think of Blaine. "It won't," he lies. Not wanting to give Parker the hope he is obviously fishing for. He grabs his keys from the floor. Starts to regret staying longer. "Thanks for tonight. I had fun. I'll call you again if I'm in the mood." With that, he does what he does best: leaves. He practically runs out of Parker's place. Hightails it to the front door—ignoring questioning glances and whispers from Parker's roommates—and leaves. Not wanting to give Parker a chance to catch up and talk him into staying longer. Even if that would entail more great sex.

Behind the wheel of his car, engine running but sitting idle on the road in front of Parker's fraternity house, he unlocks his phone and pulls up Blaine's contact information. His thumb hovers over the button to call him for several minutes.

It's the same after every hook-up he's had since Blaine walked into the classroom that morning two months prior. That urge to call him and admit that he thought of him the entire time he fucked some other guy. That he longs and aches for him in a way he's never had for another person before. That he made a mistake both times he walked away from him. But mainly, he wants to hear his voice. Wants to hear that soft, warm voice speaking to him like he did on the cruise. And not like the professor he's heard for two months. He wants to hear that voice go deep with arousal. To whisper filthy things in his ear while Blaine's fingers or mouth or cock gave him the kind of pleasure he's been trying to find again in the guys he's been fucking since the cruise, but hasn't.

Frustration has him forcefully throwing his phone down on the passenger seat. He grabs his steering wheel in a white-knuckle grip and drops his forehead to it. Swallows down the angry scream clawing at his throat. Doesn't stop the anger, hurt, regret, and guilt that all bombard him at once.

Hot tears sting at his eyes as everything he feels for Blaine comes bubbling to the surface. There's no stopping them. They demand to be felt. To be acknowledged and recognized. He can no longer ignore them like he’s been doing for the last few hours. But if he’s being honest with himself, he’s been ignoring his feelings for months.

When he lost his mom and saw what that did to his dad, he made a promise to himself to never let anyone in that could destroy him the way his dad was. To guard and protect himself from the kind of pain that could ruin a person. That's why he had his rules. Rules he followed without a problem.

Until Blaine.

Blaine came into his life like a force of nature and had him doing things he never saw himself doing when it came to being with someone. It wasn't just the repeated sex or sleeping in the same bed with him. It was the dinners and deep conversations they shared. It was sitting next to each other on lounge chairs and simply enjoying each other's company. The passionate kisses shared outside of the bedroom. All the little things that chipped away at his defenses. That started to break him down and begin to consider something he never had before: a real relationship.

But he fought against those feelings, because being alone was safer. Alone guaranteed he never risked getting hurt by someone he let in. So he protected himself. Shoved those ideas and feelings into a box that he locked and pushed deep down inside himself.

He walked away from the only guy who came the closest to having him throwing caution to the wind.

Blaine coming back into his life ruined his work of trying to forget. Of moving on. He had him remembering hungers and desires he thought he did a good job of burying and forgetting.

He had to ruin it, though. Had to let his fear take hold and stop him from taking what Blaine once again offered. Had to say what he told every other meaningless hook-up. Stood there and watched as hurt and acceptance took over Blaine's expression. Stormed away from him a ball of anger and longing.

The ping of his phone brings him out of his thoughts. He wipes at the few tears that escaped and grabs his phone. Is surprised to see a text from Parker.

**Parker: Bed is warm and I'm still naked if you want to stop sitting out front in your car and come back inside.**

Kurt rolls his eyes while his stomach rolls over in a bad way. As great as it was to fuck Parker, something tells him he just did it for the last time. No matter how great Parker is in bed, he doesn’t want him. Doesn’t want to use him as a substitute for who he really wants.

The text puts him into action. He hits the gas and drives away. Puts Parker and their hook-up behind him, where he intends to keep both of them. Heads for his new apartment—doing his best of composing himself to not give away the fact that he was crying—he shares with Ophelia.

She sits on the couch when he walks into their place fifteen minutes later. With a green facemask on, hair done up in a messy bun, and in a pair of short purple sleeping shorts with a matching tank top, she looks the picture of relaxation in front of the television.

Keys tossed in the bowl on the console table by the door, he toes out of his shoes and removes his jacket before joining his friend on the couch. He lays down. Rests his head in her lap. Her fingers immediately begin to lazily stroke through his hair. Her short nails scratch against his scalp. The movement relaxes him as he watches whatever show she has playing on television.

He eyes the moving boxes they have yet to break into that sit stacked against the red brick wall.

"We really need to finish unpacking everything," he mentions, already exhausted just thinking about it.

They've been in their new place almost two and a half months and still have boxes they haven't touched. Not out of laziness, but because they've been kept busy with life and school. There just isn't enough time in the day. Which was one of the reasons he never invited Richard over to have sex in the new place like they planned back in May.

Or so he tells himself.

"Next weekend," Ophelia suggests just like she's done for the past two months.

Kurt snorts. There’s no point in denying that they won't be getting to it next weekend like she said. But he doesn't care. It's no big deal to him if a few boxes sit untouched. There's no rush. There's nothing too terribly important inside the boxes. And it’s not like they’ve had company over to see.

"How was Parker?" She moves to tuck a leg underneath her.

"Which time?" he jokes in return.

It earns him a laugh from Ophelia.

She's the only person he's told about Parker James. Mainly because he tells Ophelia everything, and he can trust her not to repeat anything he says. And because he's smart enough not to go blabbing his mouth about sleeping with Parker and ruining what they had by accidentally outing him. He didn't want to lose a sure thing. Or ruin Parker's life.

"Jealous," Ophelia half-jokes with a pout and a soft whine.

"You act like you don't have Brent." There wasn't much of a surprise on his part when Ophelia revealed to him a couple of weeks after the cruise that she decided to continue seeing Brent. He knows his friend. Knows how quickly she can fall. Unlike the other times, though, where the guy she was with wasn't good enough for her, he wasn't blind and could see how Brent treated her. Saw the kind of happiness he never saw her experience before with a guy. He was happy for her. Although he thought it was stupid to be in a long distance relationship with someone, there was no reason for him to express his opinions and upset his best friend. And he's glad he kept his mouth shut. Because he's seen how great Brent has been for her.

"Yeah, but I haven't seen him in almost two months."

"Didn't you two Skype a couple of days ago?"

Ophelia playfully flicks his ear. "You know what I mean."

Kurt laughs. "When are you two planning to meet up again?" He turns his head to look up at his best friend. The green face mask she wears makes him think of Kermit. Which has a small laugh escaping him.

"I don't know." She shrugs her shoulders and looks down at Kurt. "I'm thinking of going up to visit him in a couple of weeks. Spend a weekend with him."

"That sounds nice. And fun." Kurt thinks of being in New York and spending a crazy weekend there. He thinks of the places he could go and the guys he could meet. But he quickly shelves those thoughts. Knows he doesn't have the time to spend a weekend away messing around. Especially with an assignment due in his Creative Writing class soon.

The reminder of the assignment has Blaine entering his thoughts for the second time in less than half an hour. Has him thinking back to that morning he regrets for many reasons.

_ "Why do you need my name?" He crosses his arms over his chest and arches an eyebrow. A playful smirk on his lips. Ignores the flutters in his stomach, and the want that sparks to life inside him. The tingle that races over his skin at the mere sight of Blaine. That can’t be his response to a guy that was a great fuck over the course of a week. _

_ He tries to believe the lie he tells himself. Tries to put Blaine in the box that he shoves all the other men he sleeps with into. That box labeled  _ **A Fun Time** _. The one he closes and forgets about until he needs to place someone else in there. But that’s impossible to do. Because Blaine doesn’t belong in that box. Blaine wasn’t just another great fuck. He is the first guy to get past defenses he set up to protect himself. Blaine is the guy to open his eyes to the possibility of something more with someone he messed around with. _

_ Blaine is the exception to his rules. _

_ A few of his fellow classmates let out soft noises of surprise and disbelief at him defying a professor. But he doesn't pay them any attention. He keeps his eyes trained on hazel ones that have darkened the slightest in arousal. A look he remembers extremely well from their time together on the cruise. The look Blaine would get right before he fucked him senseless. _

_ That want inside him grows to a roaring fire. An ache forms between his legs. He presses his thighs together for some semblance of relief. He notices Blaine's eyes dart down to his legs at the movement. How he clenches the hand at his side into a fist and the muscles of his jaw ticks as he clenches his teeth together. Amusement fills him at Blaine visibly trying not to make it obvious he's aroused. That he wants him. _

_ Blaine takes a step closer. Eyes dart down to his mouth real quick before lifting back up. "Because I like to know the name of all my students." _

_ Kurt purposely draws his lower lip between his teeth. Gives a small suck to it before releasing it wet and red. Enjoys the way Blaine visibly breathes harder based on the way his chest rises and falls faster. How his breathing falters the slightest. Little tells no one else in class would notice except him. _

_ After spending a week with Blaine, he knows him better than anyone in this class. Knows how far to push him. That's why he delays a little longer giving him the one thing he wants most from him. At the moment, at least. _

_ "I'm sure you'll figure out my name," he replies. _

_ "I don't want to figure it out. I want you to tell me," Blaine replies, clearly getting frustrated. But also amused by the laughter that lights up his eyes. _

_ Kurt shifts in his seat. Uncrosses his arms and places them across his computer. Fingers curl over the edge of his desk. He leans forward so his mouth is only inches from Blaine's crotch. His stomach clenches and mouth waters as he remembers Blaine filling his mouth several times over the week they were together. Based on the fire blazing in Blaine's eyes as he stares down at him, it's clear they’re on the same page with their thoughts. _

_ "Hmm.” He acts as if he’s considering the choice. “I think I'd rather not." _

_ Without looking away from him, Blaine points to a student a couple of desks away from him to his right. "Tell me your name?" _

_ Kurt looks over to the confused and slightly terrified looking girl. Her eyes have gone wide with nerves behind her round glasses. They dart around the room before landing on him. He offers her a calming smile. _

_ "Um... I-, uh… I’m Kerri." _

_ He looks back to Blaine. _

_ Blaine points to another student. This time to his left. Eyes still locked on him. "Name?" _

_ Kurt looks at that student. It’s a cute guy who looks extremely amused by everything that is going on. _

_ "Jordan." The guy lets out a short chuckle. Runs a hand through his dark locks. _

_ Kurt grins at him; waves his fingers in his direction. “Hi, Jordan,” he says in a sensual, flirty tone. _

_ He mainly does it to further get a rise out of Blaine. He could care less about this Jordan guy. _

_ Jordan returns his grin and nods his head at him. “Hey, cutie.” _

_ "Tell me your name?" _

_ Blaine regains his attention. He looks at him. "Sorry, I'm going to give that a hard," he intentionally drops his eyes to Blaine's crotch as he says hard before lifting them back up, "pass." The corner of his mouth ticks up in delight when Blaine's eyes harden the slightest. _

_ Perhaps he should quit messing around. Stop delaying the start of class. Just give Blaine his name. But he's having so much fun toying with him. Denying him what he wants. Just like he did on the cruise. But another part of him knows the moment Blaine learns his name, some form of intimacy will be introduced into their relationship. Intimacy he's been fighting against for months. Intimacy he doesn’t want to admit is there and real. _

_ Blaine holds his gaze a few seconds longer. He lets out a huff of breath. "Fine," he exhales, seeming to resign himself to the fact that he's going to lose this battle. "I would like to speak to you in my office after class." _

_ If this was any other professor, Kurt would think he was in trouble. But this isn't any other professor. This is Blaine. This is the guy he's felt inside him. The guy he got to know over seven days this past summer. The guy he knows for sure is not mad at him at the moment. In fact, it’s more than likely the complete opposite. And that gets him excited for the end of class, which he wills to come fast. _

_ He sits back in his seat. Presses his thighs together, both for him and to mess with Blaine. Smirks when he notices him close his eyes and draw a deep breath through his nose. _

_ Blaine turns and walks back to the front of the classroom. Kurt trains his eyes on his amazing ass. Recalls grabbing handfuls of it while Blaine fucked him crazy. _

_ “Okay, class,” Blaine turns around to face them; his eyes locked on Kurt and an amused grin on his lips, “let’s begin. I’m Professor Anderson.” _

_ Where he was something to look at before, the title of professor makes Blaine drop-dead sexy and desirable in a way he never prepared for. _

_ The rest of class is uneventful. He sits there and watches Blaine teach. Finds himself turned on by Blaine's authority and commanding presence as he stands at the front of the classroom and teaches. Wonders more than once what it would be like to have this version of Blaine bend him over his desk and fuck him until he was screaming. _

_ It's not lost on him that throughout the class Blaine tends to train his eyes on him. That he looks his way more often than not. And they are never innocent looks. He notices the spark of desire in his eyes. The want. Notices how that disappears the moment he looks away from him and to a different student. _

_ “Hey.” _

_ Kurt looks up from his phone at someone talking to him after he leaves Blaine’s class and finds the guy Jordan who was enjoying the exchange between Blaine and him. _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “I was wondering if you want to meet up later?” Jordan’s best attempt at a charming smile spreads across his face. _

_ Kurt takes in the guy before him. In a wrinkled band shirt and jeans that look like they haven’t been washed since they were purchased, it’s easy to make the decision to refuse this guy. Plus, he never intended for something to happen with him. He was just someone he used for a personal gain. _

_ His reply is to snort at Jordan and walk off. _

_ “Fucking slut!” _

_ The derogatory name has no effect on him. It’s been hurled at him so many times that it no longer has any power over him. He’s heard way worse from people. But that doesn’t stop him from turning to face Jordan and giving him the finger; face stoic. “At least I’m a slut with standards.” He turns away from Jordan and makes his way to where Blaine’s office is located, none the affected or disparaged.  _

_ It doesn’t take him long to find Blaine’s office. The door with Blaine’s name displayed across the glass helps, too. A sense of pride winds through him at the sight. A name on the door is small, but it shows how hard Blaine worked to get where he is. _

_ He sits outside the office and waits for Blaine to arrive. His phone rings and he answers the call when he sees it’s Ophelia. "Hey, what's up?" _

_ "Guess what asshole I just had the unfortunate misery of running into?" _

_ Kurt doesn't even try to attempt a guess. With how many people Ophelia considers an asshole, he could be sitting there for hours guessing. "I don't know. Who?" _

_ "My piece of shit ex Ashton," Ophelia replies with disgust to her voice. Kurt can practically hear her rolling her eyes. _

_ He thinks of Ophelia’s cheating ex, and the guy who was the reason he went on the cruise where he met Blaine. _

_ Although he will never say it out loud ever, in case Ophelia may hear, he’s grateful to her piece of shit ex. Without him, he would have never experienced the best week of his life. _

_ "Oh God. What did he have to say?" _

_ "Can you believe that dick asked if we could get back together?" _

_ "He did not?" _

_ "Yes!" There's a seething, irate tone to Ophelia's voice. "And you know why he wanted to get back with me,” she says matter of fact. _

_ Kurt does. It's not common knowledge, or information Ophelia freely gives out, who her dad is. She keeps that information tightly guarded so as not to be constantly taken advantage of by anyone. It’s the reason she uses her mom's maiden name. _

_ "What a douchebag," he replies, shaking his head. "I bet he said he loved you. That he made a mistake." _

_ "That jerk did." _

_ "What did you tell him?" _

_ "That him and his small dick better stay away from me before I file a restraining order against him," Ophelia proudly replies. _

_ "Good job." Kurt smiles with pride for his friend standing up for herself. _

_ "Thank you. So, that was my morning. How was yours? How was class?" _

_ The question has him thinking of Blaine; of seeing him again. He thinks of how good he looked. How he wanted to pick-up right where they left off two months ago. _

_ "It was... fine." Although he tells Ophelia everything, for some unknown reason he can't tell her about Blaine. Not yet. _

_ "Where are you? Maybe we can meet up for coffee or something." _

_ "I'm outside my professor's office waiting for him to arrive," he tells her. "He wanted to see me." _

_ "Were you a bad boy, Kurt?" A small laugh follows Ophelia's joking question. _

_ "Not entirely." A shadow falling over him has Kurt looking up to Blaine standing over him. One look into those fiery hazel eyes that burn a roaring heat through him has the ache between his legs that disappeared reappear instantly. It grows more intense as the seconds pass. "Um... I have to go, Phe. My professor is here." _

_ "Alright. Tell me when you’re done. We'll get coffee after you finish." _

_ After agreeing to meet up with Ophelia later, Kurt ends the call and stands. His eyes never stray from Blaine's as desire thrums through him. He fights the urge he has to throw himself at the guy. From asking Blaine to lift him up and take him rough and fast right there in that hall. _

_ Blaine grins. A sexy grin that strokes Kurt’s cock. "Hi, darling." _

_ One word completely undoes him. Turns him to goo as he's bombarded with every memory of being with Blaine on that cruise. He’s slammed with every feeling he packed away into a box and locked. Shoved deep, deep down inside himself to forget. And now Blaine has blown that box wide open with one word. One term of endearment he would have hated hearing from any other person. _

_ There's hatred towards Blaine for that. Wants to smack him for making him remember what he felt. At the same time, though, he wants to crash their mouths together. Wants to rediscover how amazing they are together; what Blaine could make him feel. What he's been chasing and seeking these past months in other hookups since he walked away from Blaine on that ship. _

_ "Professor Anderson," he replies with a smile. The title is something he will definitely have to get used to. But a total turn on. He already imagines the fun the two of them could have during sex because of this new turn of events. Imagines riding Blaine's cock in his office while calling him Professor Anderson. _

_ "Let's go into my office." Blaine unlocks his office door and steps aside to let Kurt in after opening it. _

_ Kurt takes a look around the space decorated with a couple of bookshelves and a desk. Several moving boxes sit stacked around the room still taped shut and ready to be unpacked. The word  _ Office _ written across one side of all the boxes in black Sharpie. A window with frosted glass sits behind Blaine's desk. The sun shines in. He already thinks of all the places Blaine and him could fuck in here. Wonders and hopes they'll start to cross off places today. Up against the door the most ideal and exciting place to start. _

_ "Nice digs." He drops his bag and turns to face Blaine, who leans back against his closed door. A hungry look fills his eyes as he watches him. The look is another one he remembers from the cruise. _

_ There's still that element of surprise and shock he feels at this being real. That Blaine is here. That he's his professor. It's kind of difficult to look at the prim and proper looking guy before him and associate him with the guy from the cruise. The guy who gave him a lap dance. Spoke filthy words into his ear and spanked his ass while fucking him. It doesn't seem possible. _

_ "Thanks." Blaine crosses his arms over his chest. In dark jeans and a button-up shirt, sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the first few buttons at the top undone—showing off the dip of his throat and some of his chest—it's a wonder Kurt hasn't already bent over the desk and asked to be fucked. That's not to say he isn't close to doing just that. _

_ When it comes to sex and subtly, the two don’t exist together in the same world for him. He makes it clear to whomever he wants what exactly it is he wants. _

_ He hops up to sit on the edge of Blaine's desk. Spreads his thighs in a clear invitation of what he wants. Of what he's gladly offering. The fire in Blaine's eyes grows wild.  _

_ As they continue to stand there staring at each other, neither of them wanting to be the first one to look away, a thick, sexual tension fills the space around them. It's a tension that is impossible to ignore. Is one he wants Blaine to ease multiple times. _

_ "Why did you want to see me after class, Professor?" His cock gives a twitch at the use of the teaching title instead of Blaine’s name. He leans back on his hands. Clearly shows off the bulge forming in his jeans. The muscle of Blaine's jaw flexes at calling him professor. He watches as his eyes drop to his bulge and he licks his lips. "Was it to get me all alone? To punish me for not listening to you? Do you want to punish me, Professor Anderson?” He spreads his thighs open a fraction more. Sensually bites his lower lip. _

_ The thought of Blaine punishing him, taking him over his knee and spanking him, sends a hot streak of arousal through him. Fills him with need. _

_ Blaine doesn't move. But his eyes darken, as if he's thinking the same thing as him. "Tell me your name." _

_ "Um..." Kurt places a finger to his mouth and acts as if he's thinking. "No." _

_ Blaine pushes off the door and takes a step toward him. "Tell me your name." _

_ “No.” He drops his hand to cover the prominent bulge in his jeans. Softly palms himself. Makes a show of parting his lips and quietly moaning.  _

_ Maybe it's stupid of him to tempt Blaine in this way. Not when he knows Blaine is his professor and any kind of a physical relationship between them is off-limits. Perhaps he should stop. Should save Blaine and himself the disappointment when this goes nowhere. _

_ He can't, though. _

_ The joy he's getting out of seeing the desire that's pushing Blaine to the limit is too great to stop. Plus, the idea of knowing this is wrong adds a level of heat he never anticipated but wholeheartedly welcomes. _

_ "Do you remember the first time you fucked me?" A longing ache fills him as he recalls the first Blaine and him slept together. That frantic neediness they both exuded. "I knew the moment your cock was buried inside me that I would become addicted to you." He palms himself harder. Grows excited when Blaine moves closer to him. "And I did," he confesses. "I wanted you every second after. I want you now." He places his hand back behind him on the desk. Spreads his thighs as wide as he can. "I want to feel your cock inside me again. Want you to fuck me until I can't walk straight." It doesn't matter that he just spent the night with Richard. He aches for Blaine like it's been months since he's been fucked. _

_ It has been months since he’s been properly fucked that has left him satisfied. _

_ Blaine moves until he's standing between Kurt's legs. Grabs behind his knees and yanks him forward until their groins press together. _

_ Kurt shudders at how hard he feels Blaine is for him. His fingers itch to free Blaine from his jeans; to wrap around him and stroke until he spills all over his hand. _

_ "I should push you to your knees so I can fuck this smart mouth," Blaine softly growls. The prim and proper version of himself that he presented throughout class is gone. Like he never existed to begin with. _

__ Please.

_ Kurt's stomach clenches as desire slams into him. He easily imagines himself on his knees in Blaine's office while he fucks his mouth. While people pass by the door with no clue as to what's happening on just the other side of it. _

_ "What's stopping you?" He sits up. Wraps an arm around Blaine's neck, hooks a leg around his waist, and rocks his hips forward. The moan he releases mixing with Blaine's low groan. "Is it because I'm your student now?" _

_ Blaine chuckles. "Do you really think you being my student is going to stop me from fucking you?" He grabs the back of Kurt's head. Brings him forward until their mouths are only inches apart. "If so, you have another think coming, darling." He grasps Kurt’s hips and begins a slow, steady motion of rocking his hips against him. “Because nothing will stop me from having you. Not even school policy.” _

_ For the first time since he saw Blaine again, fear begins to trickle into his thoughts and feelings. But he shoves the feeling aside. Instead puts all his focus on how good Blaine is currently making him feel. He can deal with his fear later. Right now he wants to get off with the guy he has thought about more than he would like to admit to himself since he last saw him two months prior. _

_ His breaths come out heavy. Desire has him dizzy and thoughtless on nothing else but the pleasure he sees from Blaine. His free hand grasps Blaine's shirt at his chest; every part of his body wants this. Every urge he has tells him to close the space between them and crash their mouths together. To taste that mouth he’s dreamed and fantasized about an embarrassing amount of times since he last kissed it. _

_ “Oh god!” He drops his head back and clings tighter to Blaine. Doesn’t fight the moans that fall from his mouth as Blaine increases the speed and force of his hips. _

_ He wants this. He wants this so much he can’t think straight. No other problems or concerns he has are even a blip on his mind as all his thoughts are preoccupied by having Blaine; by starting up where they left off two months ago. _

_ Blaine kisses along his jaw and up to his ear. “Want to see you unravel beneath me again,” he breathes out. _

_ The statement has Kurt thinking back to when he did just that every time Blaine fucked him on that ship. _

_ He lifts his head and stares straight into Blaine’s lust blown eyes. In a voice dripping with desire and need, and assuredness, he states, “Then fuck me.” _

_ Things happen real quick after that. He finds himself flat on Blaine’s desk after everything on top is swiped off. Which isn’t much. He laughs as Blaine climbs on top to join him. _

_ “This is such a cliché porn moment,” he says around his amused laughter. _

_ Blaine chuckles. “If that’s true, then that makes you the desperate student willing to do anything for a higher grade.” _

_ “And that makes you the professor who will fuck his student even though it’s not allowed,” Kurt counters with a smirk and an arch of an eyebrow. _

_ Blaine grins. “I’ve already told you, darling, I don’t care about rules if I get you.” _

_ “A professor without morals. Rare.” _

_ “Only when you’re concerned.” _

_ Kurt arches his back off the desk when Blaine pushes his shirt up and begins to kiss his stomach. He draws his lower lip between his teeth to hold back the moan that wants to escape him when Blaine traces his bellybutton before with his tongue before skimming his lips up and flicking his tongue over the hardened nub of his nipple. _

_ Hips piston up for any kind of friction on his cock as he runs his fingers through Blaine’s styled curls. _

_ “Please,” he whines in a soft, needy voice. _

_ Blaine lifts his head and brushes their lips together. “You want my cock?” _

_ Want is an extremely weak word to describe what he's feeling. He hungers for Blaine's cock. Craves it like an addict. _

_ "Y-Yes." The word comes out on a shuddering breath. _

_ Just as Blaine pops the button of his jeans and reaches a hand inside, a knock comes on the door. _

_ “Professor Anderson?” _

_ Kurt softly groans as Blaine curses and climbs off the desk. He sits up and hops off. Does his best to put himself together while Blaine quickly grabs everything he knocked to the floor and places it back on the desktop. _

_ It’s as he’s helping Blaine that he notices something he missed earlier. Sat in one of the chairs in front of Blaine’s desk is a black matte helmet with a dark visor. He turns to look at Blaine in surprise. “You ride a motorcycle?” _

_ “Yeah.” Blaine stands after he’s gathered the last of the scattered papers. He places them on the desk and runs his hands through his hair. _

_ The mental image that Kurt has of the guy before him straddling a bike makes him harder than he was before. It’s something he definitely has to see in person. _

_ He’s not all that surprised that Blaine would be the kind of person to ride a bike. This is the guy who rock climbed on a cruise ship. Admitted to doing things out of his comfort zone because he enjoyed the rush. _

_ The new revelation leaves Kurt even more curious about the guy who’s still so much of a stranger to him. And that scares him, because he never cares to know more about the guy he’s sleeping with. All he needs to know is if they can satisfy him in bed. He never wants to know about their childhood; hear memories about their younger days. _

_ His heart races as he sits in the empty chair while Blaine talks to whatever student knocked on the door. But he forgets about that the moment Blaine kneels in front of him; smoothes his hands up and down his thighs. _

_ “Where were we?” Blaine’s lips tip up in a grin. _

_ Kurt grabs the back of Blaine’s neck; pushes his hips forward until his ass is on the edge of the chair. “I think you were about to suck my cock.” _

_ “Is that so?” _

_ “Mhmm.” _

_ “Okay.” Blaine stands and walks around his desk and drops down in his chair. “But first we need to talk.” _

_ Kurt sits up. Not entirely sure what they need to talk about. “There’s nothing to talk about. We both know what this is.” _

_ Blaine cocks his head. “We do?” _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ “What is this, then?” _

_ Kurt grins. “Friends with benefits.” _

_ A frustrated look crosses Blaine’s face. “Of course.” He lets out a heavy sigh and sits back in his chair. _

_ “What?” Kurt is filled with confusion. One moment everything was fine, and now Blaine is upset over something. And he doesn’t know what that is. “What’s wrong?” _

_ Blaine runs a hand through his hair. "Darling, I don’t want to be friends with benefits. I still want what I wanted back on that cruise.” _

_ It takes a moment for Kurt to figure out what it is Blaine is talking about. When he does, his heart starts to race like it was injected with adrenaline. He begins to breathe heavy as his head spins in the worst way possible. He grows dizzy and drops his head in his hands. _

_ This was too good to be true. He knew it. Everything was going too well. He knew a bump in the road was coming. _

_ The other shoe has fallen off. _

_ He stands and grabs his bag to make his quick escape from the room. Fresh air is what he needs. He needs to clear his head and push past this wave of fear and desire and uncertainty that just rammed into him like a two ton truck. _

_ Anger simmers just underneath that confusion and fear. Anger at Blaine for once again asking for something he can’t give him. For trying to push something he doesn’t want. _

__ Liar!

_ Kurt ignores that voice in his head that tells him that he does in fact want what Blaine is asking of him. That he wants to be his and his alone. Because that’s not true. He doesn’t do relationships. He loves his freedom. Loves that it’s just him and not someone else he has to worry about hurting him in any way. _

_ He manages to get the door open before a hand flies out and shuts it. The door handle is cold in his tight grip as he stands there unable to turn to look at Blaine. Because if he looks at him right now, there’s no saying what he might do. He could break and give into that temptation that has been there since he walked out of that cabin on the cruise ship. Or he could unleash the anger he’s barely containing. _

_ “No running,” Blaine whispers; his breath brushing the back of Kurt’s neck and sending a shiver along his spine. “Look at me.” _

_ Kurt shakes his head. “I have to go.” _

_ “No, you don’t.” Blaine drops his hand and grabs Kurt’s from the handle. He presses to his back. Wraps his free arm around his waist and holds him. Buries his face in the side of his neck. Breathes him in. _

_ At the same time that he hates the intimacy of the moment, Kurt cherishes every second. For a few brief moments he lets himself be held; lets himself be the person who wants this. He presses back against Blaine’s body he still clearly remembers as if it was yesterday. The body that brought him the kind of pleasure he has yet to find in someone else. Eyes close and he lets himself imagine that this is something he allowed himself. That he finally gave up fighting what he wanted and gave in. That he let Blaine in in a way he’s never allowed another guy. _

_ Blaine’s next words bring him back to the reality of his world. A reality he won’t easily change. A reality he’s fighting with himself to keep. _

_ “I want you. All of you.” Blaine holds him tighter. Speaks in a hopeful tone. “Be mine.” _

_ Two words. Two words spoken with such need and want and hope nearly breaks him in a way where he is close to throwing caution to the wind. _

_ Be mine. _

_ He doesn’t know how to do that. How to be just one’s someone. How to change what he’s always known. What has always worked for him. He can’t. He won’t. _

__ You can.

_ Once again he ignores that voice in his head. That voice that is telling him to go against how he’s always lived.  _

_ He’s being asked to jump into an ocean of water when he’s always felt safest on land. And where he’s always been good at not listening to that urge, for the first time he wants to face that fear. _

_ Perhaps with anyone else and their heart would soar with happiness or relief or love. But he’s not anyone else. He’s not one of those people who swoons at the romantic gesture or softly spoken words of love. He’s never been one of those people. _

_ This is no different. _

_ Almost. _

_ Be mine. _

_ He won’t deny his heart jumps. That his breath hitches. Or that his body comes alive in a way he hasn’t felt in months. He won’t deny that. But he won’t admit to any of it out loud either. He won’t let himself be vulnerable. _

_ Unable to not do so anymore, Kurt turns to look at Blaine. The hope he sees in those hazel eyes that have haunted his dreams on multiple occasions these past two months doesn’t stop him from saying what he wants and needs to say. He calls on that anger he is feeling to say what he wants to. _

_ "You know I can't do that." _

_ Blaine’s eyes harden as he speaks in a voice fueled by his anger. "Yes, you can. You're just being a coward and choosing not to." _

_ He is being a coward. There’s no denying that. But he would rather be a coward than someone hurt down the road. This way he’s safer. _

_ “Then I’m a coward.” He glares at Blaine. “I offered to be with you the only way I know how. Just take that and be happy.” _

_ “Be happy sharing you?” Blaine rhetorically asks with disgust. “I don’t want a piece of you. I want all of you.” He grabs behind Kurt’s neck and pulls him close until their foreheads touch. “If I can’t have that, then I’ll let you go even though it’s going to be painful. But I’ve done it once and survived.” He stares into Kurt’s eyes. “I can learn to lose you again. But I don’t want to.” He softly breathes out. “Be. Mine.” _

_ Every cell in his body, every fibre of his being, is screaming at him to say yes. To give up this fight he’s having with himself and give all of who he is to Blaine. But he’s too scared to do so. He can’t let himself jump into that open water. Can’t risk the dangers that potentially await him. _

_ For the first time in his life a guy has made him feel something beyond pleasure, and that terrifies him. And he’s not ready to face the consequences of dealing with that. _

_ Blaine was right. He is a coward. That’s why he does and says what he does next. _

_ Eyes stare straight into hazel ones as he says in a clear, unaffected voice, “You’re not worth the risk.” _

_ With a hard shove to Blaine's chest, causing him to stumble back a couple of steps, Kurt turns back to the door. Stops and looks back at Blaine when he has the door open. Sees the hurt and pain and regret in his eyes. Some part of him hates to see that. Hates even more that he's the cause. _

_ He walks out of Blaine's office. Slams the door shut. The tears come almost immediately. They pool in his eyes and fall. Run down his cheeks. This is what he wanted to avoid. The hurt and pain and regret. He never wanted to feel this. To deal with this because of a guy. But he put himself in a position to feel all that. And he hates it. Hates everything about it. _

_ He wants to forget it all. Forget Blaine. Forget what he made—and is making—him feel. He needs to forget. And he knows how. _

_ Kurt pulls out his phone to call Ophelia and cancel before calling Richard to see if they can hook up. He's in desperate need of a distraction, and Richard can give him that. _

Ophelia saying she needs to rinse off her mask brings him out of the memory. He lies there on the couch staring up at the ceiling after Ophelia leaves for her bathroom.

Thoughts drift to how he hooked up with Richard after he left Blaine's office that day two months ago. How he longed for something better, someone better, the entire time he was with Richard; had to think of Blaine to get off. How he was angry at himself and Blaine. Angry at what he felt. What he wanted. What he lost.

They haven't spoken to each other, outside of the occasional times he calls on him during class, since that conversation.

To sit there in that class every Monday morning watching the one person he wants but won't let himself have is torture. And not the fun kind. Every time he sees Blaine stand at the front of the class, the part of him that longs and aches for him intensifies and grows. But he does nothing about it. Stupidly stands firm in his choices. Continues to fuck men who give him the pleasure he wants but not the satisfaction he seeks. Uses sex, as Blaine called him out on during the cruise, to avoid intimacy.

Ophelia walks back out into the living room clean faced. "What's wrong?" She undoes her messy bun. Hair falling down in loose waves past her shoulders.

"I'm thinking of skipping class tomorrow." He isn't sure he can face seeing Blaine again. Not after he spent hours fucking a guy he imagined was him so he could get off.

"You not feeling good?" Ophelia shakes out her hair while taking a seat back on the couch.

"No. Just don't feel like going." He turns to his side and sits up. Faces Ophelia.

"Then skip," she says.

He lets out a sigh. "I'll see how I feel in the morning. Right now, I need a shower. Need to get Parker off me."

Ophelia snorts. Turns her attention back to her show when Kurt leaves.

The shower helps to relax not only his body, but his mind. He doesn't let himself think of Parker and how he fucked him because he couldn't fuck who he really wanted. Doesn't allow himself to think of Blaine. Because he'll only end up angry at himself and spending the rest of the night jerking off. And he doesn't want to do that. Again.

He finishes his shower and dries off. Heads to the kitchen after dressing in a loose shirt and sweats.

"Want one?" Ophelia holds up the glass of wine she just poured herself.

"Please." He searches in the fridge for something to eat. Accepts the glass of wine Ophelia offers after grabbing the leftover Chinese takeout from the night before.

"I realized you're home early." Ophelia sticks her own fork into the container of noodles Kurt eats. "Why's that? I thought you would still be getting dicked down."

Kurt swallows the bite of noodles he was chewing. "Didn't feel like staying. He started hinting at wanting more."

Ophelia makes a show of acting offended. "How dare he!"

"Shut up." He snorts. "You know I don't date."

"I do. So, how was the sex?"

Kurt takes a big drink of his wine before answering. "Great. Wish he had kept his mouth shut so I could have fucked him a few more times."

"I want some real dick," Ophelia whines. "My vibrator can only satisfy me to an extent.”

“I’m surprised that thing is still running considering how much you’ve been using it.” Kurt is sure he hears it running at least every other night.

“I’ve already replaced the batteries a few times,” Ophelia states. “But I can only fuck myself on the fake thing for so long before I need a real one. Long distance relationships suck. Why did I agree to this?"

"Because you're stupid," Kurt teases.

Ophelia shoots him a glare and the finger.

He laughs. Glad to have his best friend. Is sure he wouldn't have made it through these past four months as well as he did without her there to distract him from his self-prescribed misery.

"I'm bored," she states a few minutes later. "Let's go out."

"To where?"

"I don't care. Anywhere that isn't this place. Just for a few hours."

"I have class tomorrow, Phe," he reminds her.

"Like that's ever stopped you. I know you, Kurt. I know you've fucked late into the night when you had an early class the next morning."

Kurt playfully glares at his friend for calling him out.

"Come on. Please." Ophelia uses her pleading face she knows he can't refuse. Her eyes go big as she playfully pouts. She sticks her lower lip out.

"Fine. Let's go."

"Yay! I love you so much."

"You owe me, Phe."

"I'll pay you back. Promise. Now, let's go get ready." She scurries off to her room to change while he reluctantly goes to his room to do the same.

__ _ 🦢🦢🦢 _

Music loudly pumps through the club Ophelia picked. Bodies pack the place. People surround the bar and fill the dance floor. They grind against each other to the thumping beat that plays. A mixture of couples dance together. Girls and guys. Girls and girls. Guys and guys. Kurt stands at the bar and sips on his Hurricane, the clubs' special drink for the night that is gin and some blue drink mixed together, while watching a couple of guys grind against each other.

"I'm gonna go dance. Have fun," Ophelia announces with a knowing smile before disappearing into the crowd of people on the dance floor.

_ Have fun. _ Her words repeat in his head as the two guys he was watching notice him. He immediately recognizes the interest that ignites in their eyes. Smiles their way to show he returns that interest.

One of the guys tips his head in invitation. Kurt's smile grows. He downs the rest of his drink before joining the guys on the dance floor.

A few songs into dancing with both men, and feeling just how interested they are in him, he ignores the voice in his head that tells him this isn't what he wants. He's going to have fun. Won't stand in his own way as he's done a few times already. These are two sexy men who could give him a great time. Could take turns fucking him late into the night.

The hand of the guy behind him roams down his body and pushes between him and the guy in front of him to palm at his cock.

"Fuck!" He drops his head back on the guy's shoulder. Two sets of lips begin to kiss at his exposed neck. The hand on his cock palms him harder. He reaches back with one of his hands and grabs at the ass of the guy behind him.

A current of need pulses under his skin. Desire burns as that itch he has intensifies. That itch that no guy since Blaine has been able to satisfy.

One of the guys lightly nips at his neck. Sends a tremble through him. His eyes fall closed as he lets the men do whatever they want to him. Hands roam over his chest under his shirt. Push past the waistband of his jeans to grab at his ass. It all feels amazing. But it's not long until his treacherous thoughts drift to Blaine. To the way he touched and bit him on the cruise. How right that felt and how wrong these guys' touches and bites feel.

He throws open his eyes and shoves any thought of Blaine out of his head. He won't let him invade another hook-up. Won't use thoughts of him to get off.

Lips suddenly claiming his mouth takes him by surprise. But he welcomes the kiss. Opens up for the guy's tongue. Returns the kiss even though nothing about it feels right.

_ Because it's not Blaine's mouth. _

He tells his brain to shut the fuck up. Tries to shut it off to everything that isn't the two guys he's with.

The guy in front of him pulls away. His lust-blown eyes swim with need. A grin spreads across his face as he says, "Let's go to the back."

His cock twitches against the other guy's hand that is still palming him. "I think that's a yes," he whispers into his ear.

"What do you say, Nic? Should we have some fun with him?" The guy in front asks.

Behind him Nic replies by palming him harder. "I think he'll enjoy that, Reese."

It's in a haze of desire and hunger, and a bit of a buzz from the drink, that he follows Nic and Reese to the back, where they pull him into a small, empty supply closet. The darkness that surrounds them is gone when someone turns on the lightbulb that hangs above them.

Lips immediately crash to his as hands fumble to undo his jeans. He quiets his brain, and the screaming that it does telling him not to do this. That this won't make him happy; won't satisfy him in the way he's been seeking out for months. He doesn't care about that. Only cares about the pleasure that is promised.

Hands scramble to open the jeans of the guy in front of him. He can't remember who it is. Shoves them down as the guy behind him does the same with his. Turned around, he stares into dark chocolate colored eyes that are all wrong. Moans into the kiss that is given to him, and is wrong too.

A hand wraps around his cock. Strokes as a tongue thrusts into his mouth. He begins to fuck the tight fist around him. "Someone is eager," the guy says.

He wants to tell the guy not to talk, because the voice is wrong. It’s not the one he wants to hear.

A sound of a packet being ripped open behind him reaches his ears. It's followed by another seconds later. Then slick fingers press to his hole. Begin to press in with no resistance.

"Gonna taste you while Nic fucks this ass," Reese growls against his lips.

Nic presses his lips to his ear. "Waited a long time to get a taste of this ass."

Kurt looks at Reese confused. Reese grins. Says, "We've heard of you, Kurt."

His name sounds wrong coming from Reese's mouth. The timbre is different from what he longs to hear. This voice is not as deep and warm and inviting.

“You’ve heard of me?” he asks, not all that surprised. He knows he’s known amongst certain people.

“Yeah,” Nic replies. “And me and Reese here have been wanting to get a taste of you for a long time.”

“Here’s your chance then, boys.” He has to force his enthusiasm. To force the smile that spreads across his face.

Before Blaine he would have been more than into what was being offered. Would have begged for it like the needy bottom he is. But now, he's barely in the moment as Reese drops to his knees and swallows his cock down as Nic spreads him open and sinks inside him.

Sex has never been uninteresting or boring for him. It's always been fun and exciting in some way or form. Even when it was okay. But as he stands in that small supply closet getting fucked by one sexy guy as another sucks his cock, there's no excitement for him. In fact, he feels nothing. Is numb to the whole thing. Wants the encounter to be over already so he can pull his clothes back on and leave.

Head turned and lips crushing to his pull a small whimper from him for the wrong reason. Nic reads the sound wrong and takes it as a sign to fuck into him harder. Eyes fall closed as Nic attacks his mouth and fucks his ass. Hands grip his hips and the back of his thighs too hard. He doesn't stop his mind when it drifts to thoughts of Blaine. Welcomes the distraction from what's happening to him.

He thinks of the last time he saw Blaine. That sad, dejected and look of longing he wore but quickly covered up with a fake smile. Thinks of how he so desperately wanted to go over to him and make everything better. Wanted to tell him he was tired of fighting what he was feeling and wanted everything he was offering.

It's not long before his thoughts shift to imagining it's Blaine fucking him. That it's his fingers digging into his hips as his cock thrusts into his tight ass.

He comes at the thought. Nic nailing his prostate right on helping with his release.

Afterwards, after Nic slips out of him once he comes, and he slips out of Reese's mouth, he quickly pulls his jeans on and bolts from the supply closet before either guy can ask him to go home with them.

In an empty stall in the bathroom, pressed into a corner, head buried in his hands, shame washes over him as he quietly sobs. He can't help to think of what his dad would think of him if he knew what he just did. What he would tell him after learning he let two men he barely knew fuck him in a supply closet of a night club. He isn't sure what his dad would say. But he is sure he would be extremely disappointed in him.

This is who he is, though. He's the guy who fucks men he's barely met. The guy who uses men for his pleasure before walking away. The guy who only knows how to fuck and not be in a relationship. What he just did should not be affecting him the way it is. He’s done it before. How is this time any different from those?

_ Blaine _ his mind screams.

Blaine is the difference. Before Blaine, he could fuck any guy he wanted and not care in the least what it made him. Or what it meant. But now, he can barely think of screwing another guy without feeling shame and disgust.

A knock on the door snaps him out of his pity party. "Hurry up!" a voice yells while a hand slams on the door a couple of times. "There are other people who need to go." The annoyed voice has him unlocking the stall door and stepping out. He leaves the bathroom and heads straight for the bar.

"What'll it be?" one of the bartenders asks.

"Three shots of tequila and a Hurricane."

The shots are poured and his drink is set down in front of him. He downs the shots in quick succession. Takes a long drink of his Hurricane. The alcohol is strong on his tongue. But it does the job of calming and relaxing him. Has him forgetting his problems and loosening up.

"Kurt!" Ophelia comes up to him breathless and sweaty some time later. A huge smile on her face. "Thank you so much for coming out. I needed this."

He smiles at her. "Of course." The words come out slightly slurred.

Ophelia snorts. "You're drunk."

"And you're sweat...sweaty."

"Thanks." Ophelia's voice holds no hurt. Only laughter. "We should go. I'm tired and feel gross."

"O-Okay. Oh look. Those are the two guys I just fucked in the supply closet." He spots Nic and Reese making their way over to him.

Ophelia eyes him, looking disappointed. "Kurt, you didn't?" She sounds just as disappointed as she looks.

He's confused by that. His muddled brain tries to figure out why Ophelia doesn't like that he screwed around with two guys in a supply closet. Tries to rationalize it since she's never seemed to have a problem with who he fucked before.

"Hey," Nic grabs his attention when him and Reese are close, "me and Reese wanted to see if you wanted to come home with us. We can continue what we started."

Kurt likes the sound of that. Likes the idea of Nic and Reese fucking him until he forgets a certain professor. But before he can voice his desire for that, Ophelia is pulling him behind her.

"Sorry, fellas. But I'm taking him home."

"Who are you? His mom? Let him make his own choices," Nic replies in a snippy tone.

Yeah, let him make his own choices. And the choice he wants to make right now is to leave with Nic and Reese and have meaningless, hot sex.

"Fuck off!" Ophelia snaps at Nic. "He's too fucking drunk to know what he wants."

He sways on his feet. Thinks of what he wants. Thinks of hazel eyes and strong hands on his body. Thinks of a thick, perfect cock filling his ass and fucking him to amazing pleasure.

He is still sober enough to know what he wants. He's just too much of a coward, as Blaine said, to go for it. To take that leap into a dangerous unknown.

"W-Want him," he softly whimpers. The words only admitted out loud because of the alcohol. It's the first time he's spoken them. And it feels amazing to admit. To say. To speak the words into the universe.

Ophelia must hear because she turns to face him. A confused look in her eyes. "Kurt, do you want to leave with them?"

Kurt thinks of what would happen if he left with Nic and Reese. Thinks of the sex he would only enjoy because he would be thinking of Blaine. And he doesn't want that. It's unfair to him. And to Nic and Reese.

"No." He shakes his head.

"Okay." Ophelia takes one of his hands in hers. "Let's go home, then."

Nic and Reese leave them alone as they pass. He holds Ophelia's hand and follows her out. Disgust and shame swirling in him. The alcohol not helping at all with how he's feeling.

Back at their apartment, Ophelia strips him naked before removing her clothes and pulling him into a hot shower. She holds him as the water cascades down around them and he lets go of everything he's been holding in. The water washes away the tears that fall.

"You can tell me, Kurt," Ophelia softly whispers into his ear. "Whatever it is, you know you can tell me."

Once the water runs cold, and he's sufficiently sober, they both climb out and dry off. Kurt climbs into bed. Ophelia joins him. Curls into his side and rests her head on his chest. Neither of them minding the fact that the other is naked. They’re best friends who have done wild things together. Lying in bed naked is nothing.

The silence that follows is loud. Just waiting to be broken by him. It takes a few minutes before he gathers up enough courage to tell Ophelia everything.

"So," he takes a deep breath, "there's this guy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we are off.  
> Hope you enjoyed the start of this story.  
> Next chapter will be Blaine's POV.


	3. Blaine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone that read, commented, and left kudos on the first chapter! They all meant so much to me. Also, I was going to link to the post of how I thought some of the characters look like in the first chapter and totally forgot. But [here](https://scatter-the-stars.tumblr.com/post/617958352986750976/the-shrikethe-swan-characters) it goes.

_It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy. -My Best Friend's Wedding_

The bike sits idle in the parking spot Blaine just pulled into. The power of the engine between his legs thrums as he pulls his phone out of his jacket pocket. He flips the visor on his helmet up. Some part of him hopes the latest text he just received is from the one person who hasn’t left his thoughts in over four months.

The thought of Kurt causes his heart to jump, just like it’s done since the first time he saw him on that loading dock months ago.

Disappointment crashes into him, though, when he looks at the screen and sees a text from Aaron.

**Aaron: We still on for 8?**

He shoots off a quick reply that they are and kills the engine of his bike. Helmet pulled off, he climbs off his bike and heads into the gym he started attending a few weeks back.

"Hey, Blaine,” Henry, the young guy at the welcome counter, says when he sees him walk into the gym.

“Hey” Blaine politely returns Henry’s greeting.

“You here to climb?" 

"Yeah." He shoots Henry a friendly smile. What he hopes comes off as friendly. Because he's positive Henry likes him, and he doesn't want to encourage those feelings since he's sure Henry is barely eighteen by a few weeks.

_Kurt is twenty-one. Only three years older._

Blaine hates his traitorous thoughts. Hates his head for going there. For showing him how big of a hypocrite he's being. Because Kurt is only three years older than Henry. But the difference between Kurt and Henry is how more mature Kurt is. Yeah, he's still young, and needs to do a lot of growing up. That doesn't change the fact, though, that those three extra years he has on Henry have made a difference.

Plus, dating someone who's barely of age, who is also half his age, just doesn't sit right with him. It would make him feel like the biggest pervert if he ever did anything with Henry. If he allowed Henry to act on his feelings toward him.

That's why he does his hardest to keep their interactions as friendly as possible.

"Cool," Henry comments. "Have fun."

"Thanks."

Changed and eager to start, Blaine walks up to the rock wall he's already climbed dozens of times since he moved here months ago. It's the wall for more advanced climbers. People looking to challenge themselves. The wall has less rocks on it that are further spaced apart. But he doesn't mind. Loves the challenge. Loves the thrill he gets from climbing something that could be dangerous. All of which is made better by free soloing it.

Hands chalked up, he reaches for the first rock and pulls himself up. Sets one foot on a small rock for leverage to haul himself up higher. He reaches for the next rock.

He quickly gets himself into a rhythm. Welcomes how climbing clears his head and stops him from thinking things that are not about the next rock or crevice.

That's one of the reasons why he loves to climb. To run and do any other activity that lets him think less. They offer a chance to get him out of his head. To forget about his problems. He can climb, and do all other activities, and be free for a few hours.

Up on the wall nothing and no one exists except for him.

When his feet touch the ground some time later after he has climbed the wall a few times, he breathes heavy. His muscles strain and hurt in a way that says he did something besides sit on his ass and let the day pass him by.

He's not that kind of person. Whenever he has the free time, he needs to be out doing something that pushes his body. He hates wasting time doing something that doesn't bring him any sort of personal gain. If he wasn't climbing, he's sure he would be swimming or hiking, or finding that rush he gets from those things by speeding on his bike down some long stretch of road.

_A daredevil_ he can still hear his mom worriedly say whenever he would mention riding the bike, or he would show up at her house on it. He laughs at the name now as he did every time then.

He hates to worry his mother. Knows she overly does so because he's her only child, and is precious—as she repeatedly tells him. But he loves the feeling of riding the bike. Loves the freedom and adrenaline rush he experiences every time he straddles the "beast" as his mother refers to it. He wouldn't give that up for the world.

Feet back on the ground, it's as if all the problems that escaped him on the wall come rushing back. Mainly Kurt comes back.

The memory of the shock he felt when he saw those blue eyes filled with stories as deep as the ocean two months before is one he'll never forget. He'll also never forget how his cock jerked at the sight of the guy he had thought about multiple times a day since he walked away from him on that cruise ship.

So many questions he wanted to ask sat on his tongue. Questions he needed answers to. Why didn't he call? Was it not the same for him? Why didn't you give this a chance? What's your name?

The last question makes him smile as he recalls the little back-and-forth Kurt and him had that first morning in class. Not only did it frustrate him to the point of wanting to take Kurt over his knee and smack his ass until it was red. It was the hottest moment he had experienced with a guy in two months. Since the last time he fucked Kurt. And he knew Kurt felt the same. Saw it in the way his cheeks flushed, and how he pressed his thighs together—a telltale sign he was turned on and fighting his needs.

Although he didn't get Kurt's name that day, the corner of his mouth tips up further as he thinks about how he finally learned Kurt's name. How Kurt's eyes flashed with anger and heat. The same heat that flooded his cheeks. How he glared at him before storming away. But not before he saw the flicker of want in his face. The longing ache he couldn't hide.

That look is what has kept him holding out hope. It's stupid of him to do. Not when Kurt has made it clear what he does and doesn't want. But he can't stop himself. He's like a gambler hoping the next hit will bring a win.

He must be a glutton for punishment.

Hands cleaned of chalk, he changes in the locker room. Stuffs his workout clothes in a bag and shoulders it. Checks the time and sees he's cutting it close.

Maybe he shouldn't have come to climb. Not when he had a previous engagement scheduled for eight. But he needed this. He needed to relax and forget everything for a few hours.

"I saw you climb," Henry says, awe in his voice, when he walks out of the locker room. "You're amazing. The best who comes in."

"Thanks." Blaine thumbs through his missed texts. Hating himself for still feeling upset at not seeing one from the one person he wants to.

"Have you ever climbed a real mountain?"

"Yeah." He pockets his phone and gives his full attention to Henry. "I've climbed a few."

"Are going to climb one soon."

"That's the plan." A plan he's been working on for two years.

"Which one?"

"One in Yosemite. Listen, I have to go. I have a stack of papers to grade. I'll see you next time." The lie isn't entirely untrue. He does have papers he needs to grade. But he doesn't need to get to them for a few more days. He just used the excuse to get away from Henry.

"Okay. Bye, Blaine." Henry does a bad job of hiding his disappointment.

"Bye, Henry."

On his bike, helmet pulled on, Blaine turns on the engine and guns the bike for home. The rush he experiences as he speeds along the road, weaving through cars, is as great as the one he just felt climbing.

He pulls up to his house twenty minutes later.

The orange Tabby cat he's had for four years now greets him by winding himself through his legs the moment he steps into his new place. Meows immediately pierce the silence as he tosses the keys to his bike in the bowl on the entryway table and drops his bag.

"Hey, Julius." He kneels down to pick up his complaining cat. Cradles him like a baby, and scratches under his chin. "You hungry?"

Julius meows. Playfully swats at his hand before grabbing it and licking and biting his fingertip.

In the kitchen, Julius jumps down from his arms and trots over to his food bowl. He sniffs around and meows as if to say he doesn't have any food.

"Hold on, you fat fuck," he jokes while grabbing the container of food from the pantry. He shakes it, which causes Julius to run up to him and meow like he's dying of starvation.

He pours food into Julius' empty bowl. Watches as his cat immediately starts to eat. Tail happily swaying back and forth. With Julius happily settled—for the time being—he heads upstairs to take a quick shower. Although he's already running late, he won't show up smelling on top of it.

The entire time he's under the hot spray, he thinks of a certain blue-eyed student of his. Imagines Kurt in the shower with him.

That thought has him thinking back to the time he fucked Kurt in the shower on the cruise. How he lifted him up and pushed into his body that was still loose and pliant from the first time he fucked him moments before.

Hot water sluices down his body as he reaches a hand down and wraps it around his stiff cock. He strokes himself while replaying that moment in the shower. Thinks of the way Kurt felt around his cock. Can still remember the way he sounded as fucked him. Those soft moans and whimpers, and pleas whispered into his ear for more. For harder.

Blaine strokes faster. Passes the palm of his free hand over the head of his cock. Reaches down to tug and massage at his balls. Eyes fall shut as he loses himself in the memory of fucking Kurt.

He plants his other hand on the shower wall and begins to fuck his fist hard and fast. Groans at the sensation that mixes with the memory. Remembers every moment, every minute detail, of the moment. But what he remembers most is how Kurt looked and sounded as he came. How he convulsed around his cock while letting out a moan so sensual and full of pleasure it triggered his own release.

Like now.

The memory of that moan has Blaine coming.

"Fuck!" he groans while shooting over his fist and spraying the wall. He strokes himself until it becomes too much.

Both hands now planted on the wall, heavily panting, and not at all concerned about the time, pleasure and anger flows through Blaine as lukewarm water hits his body.

At the same time that he rides the high of his release, he wants to shout out into the world and ask what he ever did wrong. Because it's unfair. It's unfair that he met the most amazing person he's ever known, had him walk away only to see him again months later, and tell him to his face that he wasn't worth the risk of being together.

The reminder of the words Kurt spoke two months ago in his office still lands like a punch to the gut now as they did then. He thinks of the anger that blazed in Kurt's eyes. The sternness and surety in his voice. Where he hoped and looked for doubt or regret, he found none. Had to accept that the guy in front of him really didn't want to risk the safety of what he knew for years to do something out of his comfort zone.

The ache he felt then after Kurt walked out of his office returns now. It pulses through his entire body. Pushes out the last of the pleasure he was experiencing.

He never imagined it would hurt as much a second time to see Kurt walk away. Not only did it still hurt, this pain was worse. Because for that short period of time from when he first saw Kurt in his class to when he left his office, he let himself hope that things might be different. Let himself believe that maybe Kurt had changed; had felt the same way as him.

But he was a fool. Believed the want he saw in Kurt's eyes went beyond sex. Made himself hope when he should have known better.

Kurt made it clear on the cruise and in his office that morning that nothing beyond sex would ever happen for them.

Blaine shuts off the water when it turns cold. He shoves aside the shower curtain and grabs a towel to dry off.

In his bedroom, towel held closed around his hips, he smiles at Julius looking content lying on his bed licking his paws.

"Someone is happy," he comments while reaching for his phone.

The time and multiple texts asking where he is alerts him to the fact that his little moment in the shower has made him extremely late.

He quickly texts out a bullshit reply about being stuck in traffic going home before rushing to get dressed.

Outside twenty minutes later straddling his bike, helmet pulled on, the buzz of his phone in the pocket of his jacket stops him from driving away. He knows who the text is from before he even pulls his phone out.

Aaron is someone he never planned to start seeing. It seemed to happen out of nowhere. That Friday two months prior after Kurt rejected him for the dozenth time earlier in the week, he needed to let loose. To drink and fuck, and forget about the one person he wanted most.

He did that. Mostly. He drank until it felt like everything was great and he was overtly happy. Found Aaron and took him home. But still thought of Kurt while he fucked him.

There was never supposed to be more come the next morning. But he felt guilty about what he did and accepted Aaron's invitation to brunch.

He never expected—or planned—for them to hit it off as well as they did. They laughed and talked about shared interests. Connected in a way that surprised him. And that brunch ended with Aaron accepting his offer for dinner later.

That was two months ago. And now he regrets that dinner offer. Regrets the night and weeks that followed. Because he learned early on that he was pushing himself toward something he didn't want, and wasn't ready for.

Kurt was still there. In his thoughts and desires. He was there every time he fucked Aaron. Was there in the back of his mind when Aaron and him would have deep discussions at dinner and all he could think about was the talks Kurt and him had on the cruise.

It's as if Kurt has left fingerprints on every facet of his life in some way and he can't clean them off. They're stuck permanently as a reminder of what he truly wants.

If Aaron noticed, he never said a word. Just continued on in their relationship like everything was fine.

He knows he should have said something before. Should have told Aaron he can't do this instead of leading him on. But for some unknown reason he kept his mouth shut. One of his beliefs is that he didn't say anything because he needed someone—anyone—to be there so he wasn't alone. On top of being in a new place thousands of miles away from home, he didn't want to handle the loneliness of not having Kurt.

It was messed up and wrong of him to use Aaron in that way. And he regrets it because he unintentionally hurt someone who doesn't deserve it.

Blaine pulls out his phone and reads the text from Aaron.

**Aaron: Forget it.**

**Aaron: We need to talk.**

Instead of being crushed at knowing what that talk will entail, a breath of relief escapes him.

To be happy about being relieved over a relationship ending is something he doesn't feel guilty about at all. This is what he's wanted for months now. He was just too chickenshit to pull the plug himself.

Happy and relieved, phone pocketed and visor flipped down, Blaine decides to celebrate his new freedom.

Twenty minutes later he parks his bike on the side of the street opposite the club he's been curious about for a few weeks now.

Although a Sunday night, the place is packed with people of all ages. He watches them dance on the floor and gather around the bar and drink. A guy close to his age smiles his way. Any other time he would have gone up to him and talked. But tonight he just wants to relax and drink. To not think about Kurt or Aaron, or anything.

Tonight is about himself.

A couple of hours later, and rejecting several guys, Blaine slowly works on his first and only drink of the night. On top of having to drive home, there's still a class he needs to teach tomorrow. The reminder of which has him thinking of a certain student who will be there. The thought of Kurt alone has his cock swelling.

The blue drink called The Hurricane, the clubs' specialty drink for the night, was a poor choice on his part. His curiosity winning out was the only reason he bought the damn thing. Now he wishes he would have stuck with his usual drink of bourbon on the rocks.

Half-full glass pushed away, and needing to go home already, he stands to leave. Right when he's about to walk away someone on the dance floor catches his eye.

Somehow his body knows it's him before his mind does. It comes alive as if someone poured gasoline on a nearly dead fire. Heat erupts all over as want barrels into him.

Kurt is gorgeous as he moves. Body long and lithe. There's a flush to his skin. His lips are slightly parted and wet. And Blaine imagines shoving his cock past those lips. Remembers how they looked stretched around him as he fucked Kurt's tempting and delectable mouth.

His cock grows harder and twitches in his jeans.

He wants. He wants so much he can't think straight. He wants to go over to Kurt and throw him over his shoulder before taking him home and having his way with him for the next week. He wants to tie him up. Spank him. Bite him. Fuck him until he's drained, and then do it all over again.

He wants to claim Kurt as his own.

That notion is knocked out of his head when a mouth begins to kiss at Kurt's neck and he really takes a look at what's going on. He sees what he didn't notice before. Kurt is between two guys who grind and kiss on him. One of the guys, someone Blaine wants to knock unconscious, palms at Kurt's cock while talking to the other guy.

The urge to go over and shove both guys away and say Kurt is his is so strong that it's a miracle he doesn't take a step in that direction. Instead, he stays rooted to his spot and watches as the two guys do whatever they like to Kurt.

His eyes focus on Kurt. Kurt who looks upset and frustrated by something. Who doesn't look as enthused by the two men as he expected him to be. Who looks despondent. But that doesn't seem to stop him from going with the two men when they take him somewhere in the back.

Pain erupts in his chest as he accepts the fact that Kurt went to go fool around with those two guys. Instead of following after them and listening, and being further hurt, he turns on his heels and leaves.

Anger, longing, frustration and a multitude of other emotions swirl inside him. He straddles his bike, and instead of heading home he drives as fast for as long as he can. Pushes out everything in his head that isn't the road ahead of him.

He rides and rides and rides. Prays and wishes he could out ride the thoughts that still manage to plague him.

🦢🦢🦢

Julius swatting his face wakes him the next morning moments before his alarm goes off.

"Fucker," he sleepily mutters when Julius runs away once bored with him. But he's not angry. Julius swatting at him is usually how he wakes up. Oftentimes he wonders why he even bothers with an alarm clock at all.

He shuts off his alarm and goes to the bathroom for a quick shower. Does his best not to think of Kurt and what he saw the night before. He already wasted hours the night before after he got home doing just that.

He knows he needs to stop focusing on Kurt and his choices. Because this is something he wanted. Kurt chose not to be together. To fuck whomever he wants. He needs to accept that. Start to move on. Because clearly Kurt has done the same.

Dressed and backpack on, last bite of jellied toast eaten, he gets on his bike, pulls on his helmet, and heads toward campus.

The drive doesn't take as long if he had a car. He's at the campus in no time. Students walk to get to class or to get food, or whatever they have planned.

With a few minutes to spare, he heads to the coffee shop that he loves that's close to campus. After the long night he had thinking about Kurt, and jerking off to thoughts of him until his cock was raw, he needs the caffeine to stay awake.

The smell of roasted coffee and sweet pastries hits him when he steps into the coffee place. He instantly spots a few of his students seated around the place. They smile his way, ones which he happily returns.

Coffee and chocolate filled croissant ordered, he turns his head and sees the reason he loves this coffee shop out of all the others walking in looking gorgeous and sinful.

Kurt wears a look of regret as he walks to an empty table and drops his bag on the tabletop. He stands there and hangs his head. Seems to take several deep breaths before pulling himself together and turning around.

The moment his eyes lock with blue ones that are as deep as the ocean, and hold just as much wonder, his heart stutters and breath comes up short.

That's a reaction he doesn't want to have when it comes to Kurt. He wants to look at him and see just another guy; just another one of his students. But that's impossible. Because Kurt isn't just another guy. Isn't just another student. Kurt is the guy who gave him the best week of his life. The guy who took him by surprise when he least expected it. The guy who he knows how he looks when he's aroused or angry or when he comes.

Kurt is so much more than what he wants him to be.

"Hi, Professor Anderson," he says when he walks up to the counter and stands next to him.

"Kurt." Blaine notices the hitch in Kurt's breath. It happens every time he uses his name now. Almost as if he's stroked his cock with simply speaking his name. "Everything okay?"

"Yes." Kurt looks at him with eyes that hold something he never expected to see in them: sadness. "Why do you ask?"

Blaine grabs a few packets of sugar when the girl behind the counter hands him his coffee. "You seemed upset when you walked in here."

Kurt orders his coffee. "Oh. Right. It's nothing. Long night."

The last statement has Blaine flashing back to the night before and seeing Kurt with those two guys. Anger and jealousy has him grabbing his things and muttering he needs to go before leaving.

Coffee poured into the thermos he has in his backpack and slipped into the side pocket, he slips on his backpack and moves to straddle his bike.

He tries to force the thoughts and images he has of Kurt being fucked by those two guys out of his head. But they stay. They fester. They increase his anger and jealousy.

The bike roars between his legs. And as much as he would love to gun the engine and drive until he ran out of gas, he pulls into his usual parking space and heads for his classroom.

Class is a blur of teaching and snapping at students who don't deserve his anger. The reason for his anger sits quiet in his seat with his head down the entire class. He worries what's wrong with Kurt since he knows him to usually spend the class defiantly staring at him with a stoic expression.

He aches to go over to Kurt and gather him in his arms. To ask him what's wrong. But he stays at the front of the classroom. Finishes his teaching. Stays put after class ends and Kurt walks out. He notices him hesitate at the door and look like he's about to say something before deciding against it and leaving.

A heavy sigh falls from Blaine's lips as he falls into his chair.

This is so much harder than he planned for when he accepted this teaching job back in May. Of course that was before he fucked one of his students and fell for him. A student who wants nothing but to be free of relationships.

Blaine runs his hands through his curls and groans. Things would have been better if he stayed in Washington. Stayed with the job he had.

Although he knows things would be easier if that's what had happened, if given the chance to make a different choice, he would still have made this one. Because to see Kurt and not touch is better than nothing. So, he'll endure this painful torture.

Tired and frustrated, he stands and heads for his office in case any of his students need to see him.

The door to his office is barely closed for a minute when a knock comes on it.

"Come in!" he yells out.

As much as he would prefer to be alone at the moment, he has a job to do. And a student needs his help.

The door opens and the one student who least needs his help walks into his office.

He sits up a bit straighter. Pushes aside his anger and hurt and jealousy for the time being.

"Hello, Kurt. How can I help you?"

Kurt shuts the door and takes a seat across from him. He wears a look of determination. "Blaine, can we talk?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the first question you will have is how Blaine learned Kurt's name. I have an idea for a story for that. I hope to write it soon and post it. It won't be long. But I know people are curious about that.  
> Thanks for reading!


	4. Kurt

_"The big challenge is controlling your mind, I guess. Because you’re not, you’re not controlling your fear, you’re sort of just trying to step outside of it." -Free Solo_

Confidence is something Kurt is not lacking. He carries himself with it. Draws upon it whenever he finds a guy he wants to fuck. Practically drowns in it when fucking said guy.

But as he stands outside the building where Blaine's class is held, the confidence he usually can rely on is practically nonexistent at the moment. It's shriveled up like a dried out sponge. There's no drop of it for him to soak in.

For the first time in a long time, he's nervous and unsure. He's scared.

Fear is something he likes to face head on when it's in front of him. To defeat before it can control him. But right now, without the confidence and strength he falls back on, the fear currently in front of him is winning the invisible battle he's fighting.

He's here for a reason. A purpose. And not because of class. He made the choice to confront his fears and doubts. To quit being the coward he is and approach Blaine. To tell him that he's being an idiot, and that he wants what he asked for back on that cruise. Back in his office.

As he stands there, his mind drifts to the conversation he had with Ophelia the night before.

_He sits up and eyes his best friend, who looks a little too excited about the information he just revealed to her. "What's that look?" Any remnants of a buzz are gone after the shower and his confession._

_"What look?" Ophelia tries to feign confusion while attempting to school her features back to one of seriousness. She fails miserably. The smile she tried her hardest to contain spreads across her face as excitement lights up her green eyes._

_"That look." He points right in her face. Throws a playful glare her way. "Why does it look like you're gloating?"_

_Ophelia sits up. Her wet hair falling down over her shoulders and covering the tops of her breasts. "I am in no way gloating."_

_Kurt arches an eyebrow. Not buying his best friend's bullshit. He knows her all too well. Can read her like a gypsy reading a palm._

_"Okay. Maybe a little." She holds her thumb and forefinger millimeters apart in front of her face. "Can you blame a girl? I was right. Admit it. I was right."_

_A heavy sigh falls from his lips. He's too tired to argue with Ophelia. Besides, an argument would be futile. Because his friend was right. Ophelia was right._

_Just thinking the words make him scrunch up his nose. Not because Ophelia was right. But because she'll throw this in his face for the rest of their lives. In a teasing manner, of course. All of which he'll take with some modicum of decency and decorum._

_For the last two months Ophelia, being the great and observant friend that she is, has commented on his change of attitude. Has said he's seemed different. Sadder in a sense. And every time she would question him about it—unexpectedly bring it up—he would say it's nothing and quickly change the subject. Because how could he tell her what his problem was when he was trying to deny what he was feeling?_

_Not talking to his best friend about what's been going on has been rough. Not only does he feel like shit for keeping this from Ophelia, but he feels like shit for not being able to vent._

_He's tired of keeping this all to himself. He feels like an overblown balloon ready to pop at any second._

_As he looks at his best friend, he realizes he can finally pop. He can take a needle to his overflowing thoughts and emotions that have been building inside him and let it all out._

_The need to talk to someone about this finally wins out. He's tired and close to wrung out on what to do._

_"Fine." He huffs in indignation, already feeling the balloon deflating inside him with that one spoken word. "You were right."_

_"I knew it!" Ophelia proudly and openly gloats. "I told you. I said you were hung up about something. I just never expected it to be over a guy." There's shock in her voice. "I feel like I'm dreaming. This is a dream." She reaches out._

_"Ow!" Kurt rubs at the spot on his arm where Ophelia just pinched him. The area quickly turns red. "I'm pretty sure you're supposed to pinch yourself."_

_"Ehh." Ophelia shrugs, not at all apologetic. She gathers her hair in one hand and lays it all over one shoulder. Drops of water cling to the ends. Some fall and roll down the curve of her breast and down her stomach. "Same difference."_

_"Same difference my ass." Kurt reaches out and pinches his best friend in return._

_"Ow! Asshole." Ophelia rubs the exposed nipple Kurt just pinched. She throws him a glare that has no heat behind it. "You didn't have to pinch my nipple." She looks at the abused body part. The skin has a slight tinge of red to it._

_"Seems to me you enjoyed it." He arches an eyebrow while looking at her hardened nipple._

_"It's hard because I'm cold," she states. She points to the other one, which is hard as well, to prove her point. "See."_

_Kurt snorts and shakes his head. He climbs out of bed and walks to his dresser. Pulls on a pair of black boxer-briefs he grabs from one of the drawers. The shirt he tosses Ophelia is an old one he barely wears anymore. The logo on front faded beyond recognition from years of sun exposure and washings. She's pulling it on as he climbs back into bed. The grey material falls down past her waist._

_"Thanks." She grabs his blanket and covers her still exposed thighs and legs._

_"No problem." At this point, Kurt is sure she has more shirts from him than he cares to remember._

_"Okay." She gathers her hair together and twists it a few times before resting it over one shoulder again. "Tell me. Who is it? Who's the guy?" She bounces while clapping her hands like an excited child waiting for the reveal of a surprise._

_Kurt falls face first into his pillow. Lets out a long groan. Knows he can't delay this truth any longer than he likes. And he would very much like to. Because he isn't sure he's ready to deal with Ophelia's reaction. For the first time in a long time, he's unsure of how his best friend will react to news from him._

_He would like to think she would understand why he didn't say anything before now. But he genuinely doesn't know if that will be the case. Because he kept a secret, a huge, colossal secret, from his best friend. The one person he turns to and tells everything. This is something he's never done before with her. They've never done. They tell each other everything. Hell, he knows in detail how she lost her virginity to Liam Royce. And she knows about him losing his._

_This will be new territory for them. So, he has to tread lightly._

_"You promise not to say anything?"_

_"I reserve no right to that promise." Ophelia snorts and lies down facing Kurt._

_"Phe."_

_"Okay. I promise not to say anything. At least I'll try not to. Besides, I'm sure you're making it out to be more than it is."_

_He wishes that were the case._

_"I'm not." Kurt lets out a huff of breath. "Alright." He turns to his side to face Ophelia. Stares into her green eyes that watch him with uncontainable excitement and curiosity. "The guy is Blaine."_

_One second passes._

_Two._

_Three._

_Ophelia furrows her brows in confusion. "Blaine?"_

_"Yes."_

_She continues to think for a moment. "Wait. Blaine. As in Blaine from the cruise?"_

_"Yes. Blaine from the cruise."_

_"I thought you were over him?"_

_"I was. Mostly." That's an outright lie. He was nowhere near close to being over him. Ophelia doesn't need to know that, though. To know that Blaine is a permanent fixture in his thoughts. Especially when he's fucking another guy. "But..."_

_"What?"_

_"Don't get mad at me."_

_Ophelia eyes him curiously. "Why would I potentially get mad?" She sits up and glares down at him. "What did you not tell me, Kurt Elizabeth Hummel?"_

_He winces at hearing his full name. It makes him feel like a child being scolded by a parent for doing something wrong._

_"Full name. Ouch."_

_Ophelia glares harder. "Don't try to distract me. Tell me what you haven't told me."_

_He stares up at his best friend. Readies himself for her hurt and anger. Already sees glimmers of both in her green eyes that have gone hard._

_"Okay." He sits up to be on equal footing with her. "Blaine is my Creative Writing professor," he finally admits to his best friend. Which feels amazing. Like lifting one of the many weights that's on his shoulders off._

_He actually breathes a bit easier for the first time in months. The moment of relief, though, is short-lived._

_Ophelia drops her head. Is quiet for a second. Likely processing the nugget of information just given her._

_"Wait." She lifts her head back up, annoyance marring her features. "You mean to tell me that the guy you've been hung up on since the cruise is now one of your professors? And you didn't think to tell me until two months later." Her brows furrow in frustration. "Some best friend you are." She huffs and crosses her arms over her chest. Puts on an act of hurt while looking away from Kurt. Closes her eyes._

_If Ophelia wasn't someone he's known since he was fourteen, he would be worried he genuinely hurt her feelings. But he knows her. Knows she's acting. Mostly. He can guarantee she's still mad at him for not telling her what was going on. He would feel the same._

_The fact that she didn't storm off says she's not as angry as he anticipated her being. That brings another wave of relief._

_"Phe, I'm sorry."_

_Ophelia dramatically huffs again. Still looks away from him._

_This time it's him who can't contain his smile. It's slightly amusing to watch her act like a petulant child. "I'm sorry. Please, forgive me."_

_Ophelia finally opens her eyes and looks at him. Hints of confusion and hurt in her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me?" Her voice comes out small and carries the hurt she has in her eyes._

_"I'm sorry I didn't," he says in a small, apologetic voice. "I wanted to. But..."_

_"But what?"_

_"I guess I wasn't ready to face what I was feeling. And I knew if I told you about him, you would say what I didn't want to hear."_

_"You're damn right I would have." Ophelia's voice holds anger and frustration. "I'm going to tell you what you need to hear."_

_"What's that?"_

_"You like him. It's the first time I can remember you liking someone past the few hours you take to fuck them." Kurt snorts at that. Not denying the truth. "This is a big deal, Kurt. He broke through that protective shield you wear when no one else has ever come close. He must be important."_

_"He is." There's a slight fear over how important Blaine has become to him. "None of that matters, though. Because he wants something I can't give him."_

_"What?"_

_"A relationship. He believes in relationships and monogamy and all that bullshit. You know that's not me. I'm all about being free. Being able to fuck whomever I want whenever I want. I don't do relationships."_

_"You could try," Ophelia says._

_Kurt snorts. "Yeah, right."_

_Ophelia flicks his nipple. "Quit being so damn negative and condescending. You know what your problem is?" She tucks her legs under her. Combs her fingers through her damp hair. "You're a fucking coward. You're so goddamn scared of what might happen that you're denying yourself the chance at something that could be great. You care for this guy more than I've ever seen you care for someone. In fact, it's the first time I've seen you allow someone in. Let them know you beyond a physical connection."_

_"Phe."_

_"I'm not done." She looks down at her hands in her lap. Voice small and holding fear when she continues. "I'm scared for you, Kurt. You go out and sleep with these random men you don't know without a thought to what could happen. Like tonight. You have no idea what those men could have done to you. They could have hurt you." There's tears in Ophelia's eyes when she looks up. Guilt twists inside him at unintentionally worrying his best friend in this way. He never thought she could feel this way about his random hook-ups. But he understands her concerns. Realizes she has a point he was intentionally ignoring. Because it's easier to forget what could be bad when he wants to forget everything else._

_"I'm sorry, Phe."_

_"You're my best friend, Kurt. I love you. But it's getting harder and harder for me to see you live like that. So, yes, I will push you towards something you're scared of because not only do I know that it would make you happy, but it'll give me peace of mind."_

_Kurt gathers Ophelia in his arms in an instant. He apologizes over and over again. Feels horrible for how he made her feel. Lets her cry on his shoulder._

_"Why didn't you tell me sooner?"_

_"Scared of how you would react." She sniffles. "I know how much you love and enjoy sex. But I could see these past few months that something was wrong. So, I didn't want to upset you further."_

_That makes Kurt feel even worse. To find out he was worrying Ophelia with his thoughtless choices when it came to screwing around. It goes to show how selfish he was being. All he cared about was the pleasure he was receiving. And not stopping to think how his actions could be scaring someone he cares about._

_"I'm sorry, Phe. I wasn't thinking." And he wasn't. These past months of hook-ups have been mindless, numbing things for him. Meaningless fucks he sought out to forget his feelings and true desires. A way to distract him from the ache for a few hours._

_"No, you weren't." She pulls away from him. Wipes away the tears on her cheeks. "This is about your dad, isn't it?"_

_Leave it to Ophelia to know him so well. To quickly pinpoint the root of his dating problems._

_"Yeah."_

_"You can't let something like that be the reason you avoid intimacy. Pain is natural, Kurt. It'll happen no matter what we do or try to avoid it. But we need pain, because it makes us stronger. It reminds us what we felt was real."_

_"I get that, Phe. But I saw what happened with my dad after my mom died. And I don't want that for myself."_

_"So you're going to pass up something amazing that might never come around again?"_

_Kurt opens his mouth to answer, but nothing comes out._

_Is he? Will he seriously pass up something just because the prospect of what could happen scares him?_

_Blaine and Ophelia are right. He is a coward. A fucking coward too terrified to face his fears. The Cowardly Lion has nothing on him._

_He lies down on the bed. "What would Brent say if he saw us?" he asks to avoid answering the question._

_"Nothing." Ophelia lets out a small chortle while lying down. "He'd probably get naked and join us."_

_Kurt snorts. Then gets serious. "I'll try, Phe."_

_"That's a start." She turns to her side and presses close to him. "And quit being so scared. You're unhappy, I can see that. Have been since the cruise. He makes you happy. I saw as much when you were with him that week. Give him a chance."_

_That's easier said than done. Because he still holds that fear of being hurt. Of falling so hard and losing it all. The idea of ending up like his dad scares him. He doesn't want one person to have that much control over him._

_"It terrifies me."_

_"I know. But all relationships are terrifying. Every person goes in scared of being hurt. But if you don't try, you'll never know what could happen. I was scared of being with Brent just because I knew he lived in New York. But I still gave us a shot. And I'm happier than I've ever been. Does the long distance suck? Yes. But that only makes the relationship stronger by enduring that." A grin spreads across her face. "Plus, it makes the sex when we do see each other extremely fucking hot."_

_Kurt laughs. He holds her closer. Presses a chaste, friendly kiss to her lips. "I love you, too, Phe. I can't make any promises about anything. But I can try and do better."_

_"Good. So, are you going to class tomorrow?"_

_The sigh Kurt lets out is heavy. The thought of class making him queasy. Although, he suspects that could be the alcohol still in his system. "I don't know."_

_"Don't be a coward, Kurt. You can't avoid him forever. Don't avoid him. He's making you feel something." She scoots closer to him. "Don't hide from that. It's time you allow yourself to take the risk and be with someone."_

_"You make it sound so easy." He twirls a lock of her wet hair around one of his fingers. "I don't know how to be anything other than what I am. I don't know how to allow myself to have him."_

_Ophelia skims a finger down the side of his face. "Just let go, Kurt. Every fear and doubt you have. Let them go."_

_"What if he hurts me?"_

_"Then I'll kick his ass."_

_Kurt lets out a small laugh as he pictures the tiny slip of thing Ophelia trying to kick Blaine's muscled form. The fear he has, though, is still there. Like an ever present reminder of what could be._

_"In all seriousness," Ophelia says, "I'll be right here. I'll be there for you as you've been here for me every time some guy has hurt me."_

_"Where would I be without you?"_

_"Probably miserable." Ophelia turns away from him so her back is pressed to his front. She grabs his arm and drapes it over her side. "But you have me, Kurt. For whatever and whenever. You have me."_

_Kurt presses his face to the back of Ophelia's neck. "Thank you, Phe."_

_"Thank me after he fucks your brains out."_

_He chuckles. "Will do."_

_Although he says that, he hopes Blaine is able to forgive him enough to be with him. Because he's sure being with him is all he wants._

Kurt comes out of the memory. Thinks of how he just saw Blaine less than thirty minutes ago. How his tongue got heavy and heart raced when he gazed into those hazel eyes that looked at him with longing and hurt.

The way Blaine stormed out of the coffee shop told Kurt that something was wrong. He doesn't know what. But he noticed it then as he does now as Blaine walks into class. Notices the frustration in his eyes and stiffness of his shoulders.

He wants to go up to him and ask what happened; what's wrong. To press close to his body he's missed. To kiss him until they are both breathless. But he stays in his seat. Stays quiet.

In fact, he keeps his head down and drowns out what Blaine says. Instead, he thinks of what he's going to tell him. What he wants to say.

The whole idea of going to Blaine and asking for what he was offering makes him sick to his stomach. Not out of fear, though. But nerves. Because he's never done this before. He's never put himself out there in the way he's risking to do for Blaine. He wants to get everything right. Wants Blaine to know how much he actually cares about him.

The terror he felt at finally letting himself realize that grips him now as it did then. Unlike then, when he panicked and fucked some random guy to hide from those feelings, he welcomes the feelings. Doesn't hide from them.

What Blaine taught in class, he has no idea. He gathers his things when it ends and stands. At the door, he hesitates. Looks back at Blaine. Everything he wants to say to him sits heavy on his tongue. Pushes at his lips to be spoken. But he says nothing. Looks away from Blaine and walks out of the room.

Determination has him from fleeing like a coward and waiting ten minutes when he knows for sure Blaine will be alone in his office.

Hidden in an empty hallway not far from Blaine's office, nervously pacing back and forth, he calls Ophelia for the encouragement he needs in that moment.

"Tell me I can do this," he says the moment she answers.

"You can do this, Kurt," she replies in a soft, reassuring voice. "Just remember you deserve this piece of happiness. Breathe and relax. Everything will be okay. Where are you?"

"Near his office. Trying to work up the courage to go over and talk to him."

"Hearing you like this is so strange. I've never thought you would be so caught up over some guy."

"That's the thing, Phe." He stops his pacing. Lets out a soft sigh. "He's not just some guy."

"He's not?"

Kurt can hear the smirk in Ophelia's voice when she asks that.

"No. He's not just another guy I fucked. He's..."

"What?"

"He's important to me," he replies. "In a way a guy has never been before."

There's no teasing or joking from Ophelia. All she says is, "You want him, Kurt. Now go get him. You deserve this."

With those words of encouragement ringing in his ear, he takes a deep breath and walks to Blaine's office.

"Come in," Blaine replies after he knocks.

He opens the door and steps inside. Feels his breath catch at the sight of Blaine. At how good he looks. At the lust and desire that floods him.

Men have produced those feelings in him before. But never like this. Never to the point they feel consuming. Where he feels nothing else.

"Hello, Kurt. How can I help you?"

With the door shut and seat taken, he takes a deep, steadying breath. Does his best to calm his nerves and racing heart. "Blaine, can we talk?"

"Of course." Blaine leans his weight to one side of his chair. "That's why I'm here. What would you like to discuss? Although, we don't really need to discuss anything. The work you've turned in so far is the best of all my classes."

Kurt proudly smiles at the words. "Thanks. But this isn't about class. It's about..."

"What?"

"Um..." He nervously chews his lower lip. "I, uh... I'm..."

The words get stuck in his throat. It's bad fucking timing. All other times he knows exactly what he wants to say when he wants to say it. Not now, though. Right now he's tongue-tied and unsure of how to speak.

All of a sudden speaking has become the hardest thing for him to do.

"Is everything okay? You seemed different in class," Blaine states. "Distant."

"Yeah. I'm fine. I just, uh... Long night." Something flashes in Blaine's eyes at his reply. He immediately recognizes it as anger and hurt.

"I know."

That reply takes Kurt by surprise. "What? How do you know?"

Blaine shifts in his chair. His eyes harden further. "I went to a club last night and saw you."

The anger in Blaine's eyes, the way he stormed out of the coffee shop earlier suddenly makes sense. Because if Blaine was at the club last night that means he saw him with those two guys. Shame rolls through him as his stomach turns over as the realization dawns on him.

"Y-You saw me?"

"Yes. You seemed to be having fun." The tone of Blaine's voice gives away his jealousy and anger. Gives away the fact he did see him with those two men.

No. That wasn't fun for him. Far from it.

"Is that all?"

"I..." He looks at Blaine and everything he wants to say, to confess, is ready to pour out of him.

He can do this. He can confess to Blaine—and himself—what he feels and wants.

"Blaine, I-"

"Blaine, I've been thinking."

Kurt looks over when a guy bursts into the room. It's someone he doesn't recognize. Someone Blaine obviously knows based on the way he jumps up from his seat and walks over to him. And when he sees the way the guy looks at Blaine, and how Blaine tenderly touches the guy's hand and face, he knows. A light goes off.

He's too late. Because of course someone as great as Blaine wouldn't be single. Blaine is a great catch. And he was stupid to think he would still be single.

"I'm sorry about that," Blaine says when he sits back down after the guy leaves. "I didn't know he was stopping by."

"W-Who is that? Your boyfriend?"

"That's Aaron," Blaine replies. "And, yes, he's my boyfriend."

"Oh. That's great." He forces a smile. Grabs his bag and begins to stand. Momentarily ignores the pain bursting to life in his chest. "I should go." He darts for the door.

"Wait. Kurt. You didn't tell me what you wanted to talk about."

"It's nothing. It doesn't matter."

Outside in the parking lot, he stops while heading for his car at hearing someone calling his name. He turns to see who it is and spots Richard running over to him wearing a look of determination on his face.

"Hey," Richard softly pants when he stops right in front of him, "you finished with class?"

"Yeah."

"Me too." He hikes up the strap of his bag higher on his shoulder. "Want to go back to my place?"

Kurt eyes the guy he occasionally fucks. Or used to fuck. Richard did go off and get himself a boyfriend. "Don't you have a boyfriend?"

Richard grins. "Not anymore." He steps closer. "What do you say? Want to fuck like old times?"

He should say no. Should climb in his car and go back to his apartment and be alone. But he doesn't do that. Instead he accepts Richard's offer and goes to his place. And like usual, he uses sex to escape what he's feeling.

The entire time Richard fucks him, he thinks of Blaine. Only comes because he pictures him. Doesn't even let Richard fuck him any other way than on his hands and knees. That way he doesn't see it's not the person he actually wants fucking him. Richard doesn't question it. Is probably just glad to be able to fuck him again. Takes what he wants from him.

A few hours later, Richard passed out behind him, he sits on the edge of the bed and stares out the window in front of him. The longing he ignored demands to be felt again. It aches inside him in a painful way.

There's no satisfied feeling as he sits there naked. No high he usually rides. Only that longing. That ache.

His phone buzzing grabs his attention. A text from Ophelia waits for him when he grabs it.

**Phe: How did it go?**

Her innocent, curious question destroys him in a way he wasn't anticipating. Instead of breaking like he wants to, he contains his emotions. Doesn't allow himself to cry.

He sets his phone aside instead of replying; quickly dresses and leaves. Heads straight to his place. Goes right to the bathroom once in his apartment.

The hot water of the shower he takes washes away the last of the shame and regret he feels at fucking Richard.

That was a mistake. He knows it now. Knew it before he even slept with him. It's a mistake he will not be making again. This one only done out of needing something to make him forget. That could make him feel good for a few hours.

Towel wrapped around his hips after drying off, there's a hint of surprise on his face when he steps back into his room to Ophelia sitting on the edge of the bed wearing an annoyed look.

"Hey, Phe." He walks over to the dresser and pulls open the top drawer.

"Did you talk to him?"

A heavy sigh leaves him. "I tried."

"What happened?"

He drops the towel and pulls on a pair of black boxer-briefs. "He saw me last night at the club."

"And?"

"And I realized I'm not good enough for him," he admits out loud. Finally admitting the words to himself. They're something he's unconsciously thought, but never gave time to. Now, though, he sees how true they are. Why would Blaine want to be with someone like him? Someone who has had more sexual partners than what is normal. He's not good enough for Blaine. Blaine deserves someone better than what he can offer. "He deserves someone better than me."

Anger lights up Ophelia's face. "That's bullshit, Kurt. And you know it. You're amazing. You're good enough for him. Accept that. Go talk to him."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"I just can't."

Ophelia grows angrier. "Why?" she says in a hard voice. "Why won't you talk to him?"

"He's got a fucking boyfriend, Phe." The words burst out of him in anger and hurt. "Is that what you want to hear? That I was an idiot for too long and lost out on the first person I actually wanted something with? Because I'll tell you." He doesn't mean to yell and get mad at Ophelia. She did nothing wrong. He's the one who fucked up.

He drops to the floor and plants his elbows on his bent knees. Fingers go into his hair as he hangs his head. "I fucked up, Phe," he says in a soft, broken voice. "I lost him."

Ophelia's body presses to his back as she hugs him. "I'm sorry, Kurt," she whispers. "I'm sorry."

Kurt clutches at Ophelia's arm that's wrapped across his upper chest. "Does it always hurt this bad?"

"How does it feel?"

"Like I'm drowning."

"No," Ophelia softly replies. "It can hurt less or more."

A tear escapes Kurt. "I didn't want this, Phe. I never wanted this."

"I know. But we can't protect ourselves from surprises. Blaine was a surprise. A wonderful one."

"I want him," he confesses in a soft voice. The truth in the words are impossible to mistake. "I want him so much I can't think of anything else. I ache for him."

Ophelia holds him tighter. "Then fight for him."

Kurt shakes his head. "I can't. Not when he has a boyfriend. I can't hurt someone like that. I don't want to make him pick." He turns his head enough to look at Ophelia. "I want to be his first and only choice."

She offers him a small, warm smile. "If he knew, you would be." She presses a kiss to his lips. "And don't go thinking you're not good enough for him. Because you are."

He drops his head. "I'm not. I'm used goods. I've slept with too many men to be-"

"What the fuck does that have to do with anything?" Ophelia interrupts. "Your sexual history doesn't define you as a person, Kurt. You can fuck thousands of men and still be good enough for someone. Is he someone who cares about your sexual history?"

He lifts his head. Shifts his eyes to her. "No."

"If he doesn't care, then you shouldn't. He wants you despite that." She wipes away the tear that rolls down Kurt's cheek. "You're good enough for him. You need to know that. Believe it. Don't think otherwise."

When it comes to friends, Kurt is sure he lucked out in having the best one around.

"Thank you, Phe."

"That's what I'm here for." She kisses him. “Now, I'll get the alcohol and junk food. Join me on the couch in five."

That's where Kurt finds himself ten minutes later. Drinking wine, eating junk food, and watching Netflix to help with the pain and hurt.

If not for Ophelia, he's sure he would have been a bigger mess than what he is.


	5. Blaine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter. But it's important.  
> Once again, thank you to everyone that is reading, leaving comments, and leaving kudos. I love and appreciated all of it.

_"Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." -The Shawshank Redemption_

**ONE MONTH LATER**

"I'm sorry." That seems to be the only appropriate thing Blaine can think to say to Aaron for what he did. He's the one who carried on with this relationship when he knew there was nothing there. He's the one who gave Aaron hope; wasted three and a half months of his life.

He's an asshole for doing so. This a relationship that should have never happened. He knew it wouldn't work from the beginning. And yet he went through with it.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"For wasting your time. For dragging this out when I knew it wasn't going anywhere," Blaine replies in a guilty tone.

"Don't be a martyr, Blaine," Aaron says with a soft laugh. "I knew this was never going to be more than what it was. It was fun. We had fun, right?"

"Yeah. We had fun," Blaine agrees. Won't deny he enjoyed fooling around with Aaron.

He also wouldn't deny—should someone ask him—that it felt like something was missing every time he was with Aaron. That something he's been trying to find in every guy he's been with since Kurt. And has yet to find.

"See. This is a mutual decision between us. We can be adults about this. No need to beat yourself up."

"Thanks."

"What's his name?"

"Who?"

"The guy who you're hung up on?" Aaron clarifies. He laughs when Blaine's eyes go wide with surprise. "I'm not blind, Blaine. I know a guy in love when I see one."

Aaron's statement has Blaine choking on the drink of water he's taking. He covers his mouth while coughing. Tries to quickly school himself back to one of calm and control.

"You okay? Sorry I sprung that on you. I thought you knew. But," Aaron licks his lips, eyes him for a long moment, "I take it that was news to you. Shit! Sorry."

Blaine uses the linen napkin to wipe his mouth and bar top . "It was. And it's okay."

"How do you feel about that?"

"I..." How can he answer the question when the clarity of his feelings just occurred. He needs time to think. To process. "I don't know. I need time to think."

"Understandable." Aaron brings his glass to his lips and takes a drink. "Are you going to tell me his name? Or is that being too intrusive?"

"No." Blaine runs his fingertip around the rim of his other glass. The amber liquid inside untouched. He asked Aaron to meet for drinks. But he finds himself not much in the mood to do so. The only reason he wanted to meet up with Aaron was so he could end things "His name is Kurt."

Just speaking Kurt's name makes his heart stutter. The corner of his mouth ticks up in a smile.

"Does he know how you feel?"

"He knows I want to be with him," Blaine answers.

"What's preventing that?"

"He is. He doesn't believe in relationships. Only likes to fool around."

"That's tough." Aaron takes a drink of his gin. "And there's no chance of him changing his mind?"

Blaine shakes his head. "No," he says, lets out a heavy breath. "I keep hoping, but..."

"But he hasn't indicated that will happen?"

"Yes. Am I ridiculous for still holding onto that hope?" That's the same question he asked himself after he caught his ex-fiancé cheating and still held out hope that things could still be great between them. But he quickly let that hope go when he realized things wouldn't be the same. That the best thing to do for him was to move on for his own health and happiness.

"No. Hope gives us a reason to keep living. I still hope to become an astronaut and go into outer space," Aaron says with a short laugh.

Blaine snorts. "Childhood dream?"

"Yeah. I visited Johnson Space Center when I was little. Left an impression." Aaron drains the last of his drink and stands off the barstool. "You're an amazing person, Blaine. If he refuses to see that and risk his fears for you, then he's not worth wasting any more time on him." He leans over and kisses Blaine's cheek. "You deserve to be happy as much as I do. And it's clear he isn't making you happy."

Blaine sighs. "I know what you're trying to say. But... I can't. I can't give up on him. Not yet." If that makes him stupid for doing so, he doesn't care. He wants to know that at the end of this that he fought until he couldn't.

Aaron gives him a sympathetic smile he hates. It feels as if he's sorry for him. And he doesn't want that.

"Don't waste too much time, Blaine. You could miss something amazing if you do." Aaron tenderly strokes his thumb along his jaw. "It was great knowing you. Goodbye."

There's no hurt he feels as Aaron walks away. Ending the relationship was a mutual decision. They both wanted this. Knew their relationship ran its course. There was no love felt by either of them.

Blaine stays for a bit longer after Aaron leaves. Finishes his drink. Momentarily debates being a masochist and going back to the club tonight to see if he'll see Kurt again. Even if it's with another guy. He just wants to see him outside his classroom. To remember how he is when there are no rules and restrictions, and lets himself be free.

He thinks back to the cruise. To the day Kurt finally gave into his desire and kissed him. When he stopped playing and let himself have what he wanted.

The memory of racing back to Kurt's room and fucking him stirs heat and desire. His cock begins to grow hard as his mind betrays him and replays in detail that wonderful moment.

Want thrums through him. And not just want to fuck Kurt again. But want and hunger to claim Kurt as his. To have him as his own.

"Can I get you anything else, sir?"

"No." Blaine shakes his head.

He pays his tab and leaves. Gets on his bike and drives until he reaches his place.

Julius sits in front of the door when he walks in. His orange tail swaying. A look of anger aimed his way at the inconvenience of waiting for food.

"Hey, Julius."

Julius meows.

"No, you fat fuck. You can't eat yet."

Another meow rings out. This one sounds a bit angrier. A paw swats at his ankle.

"Fucker." Blaine scoops up Julius in his arms and cradles him like a baby. The overweight cat immediately swipes at his chin and nose. "Why do I love you so damn much when you're such an asshole?"

Julius meows. Places a paw on his mouth, as if to shut him up.

He easily pushes it away. Sets Julius back down on the floor. Heads to the kitchen for a bottle of water. Drinks half before heading to the living room to catch up on some work.

A couple hours later, antsy and restless, and no longer able to sit still, he changes before grabbing the keys for his bike and his helmet.

The moment he's straddling his bike, the engine rumbling between his thighs, a sense of peace washes over him. There's few things that make him feel that. Kurt is the only person who made him feel that.

The thought of Kurt twists his heart. He hates how things are between them. That they can't even be friends. Even though he can't have Kurt the way he truly wants him, having him in his life in some form is better than not having him at all. But this past month, since Kurt tried to tell him something in his office, things have been further strained between them. At least before Kurt would tease and taunt him. Look at him. Now, though, it's as if a switch has flipped. As if he deigns being in his classroom altogether. It bothers and confuses him.

The memory of Kurt's visit to his office pops into his head as he starts the bike and begins to drive. He has no destination in mind. Just drives. Pushes his bike faster and faster. Enjoys the thrill of feeling the wind whip past him. The rush of seeing the world blur before him until all he notices is the open road in front of him. All the while his mind is on Kurt's last visit. The last time they talked.

He's spent countless hours since that visit trying to figure out what Kurt wanted to tell him. It had nothing to do with class work. That much he gathered. He can still remember the fear in Kurt's eyes as he sat across from him. The vulnerability that seemed uncharacteristic for him.

He may not have known Kurt long on that cruise, but he knew him enough to know he wasn't the kind of guy to put himself in a position to be vulnerable. That's why seeing him in such a way took him by surprise. He was close to going over and gathering him in his arms. To pulling him close and telling him everything was okay.

He stopped himself, though. Not only because Aaron walked in at that moment. But because he wasn't sure if everything was okay. Although they weren't entirely talking, there were still problems between them. Problems that are keeping them apart.

Stopped an hour later, he finds himself in a city he has yet to visit since moving.

Away from everything and anyone who might know him, he looks for a place to let loose for a bit. It's not long before he finds a gay club packed with good looking men that provide the perfect distraction.

Maybe it's fucked up to seek out company so fucking soon after breaking up with Aaron. But he doesn't find it in himself to care. Not only is he in need of a fun time, he hasn't gotten laid in over three weeks. The last time Aaron and him fucked being almost a month ago that was angry sex after a fight they had. While hot, it didn't leave him close to satisfied. Not like the angry sex Kurt and him had on the cruise.

The memory of that fuck has his cock twitching and growing hard. He presses the heel of his hand to his cock as he walks around the club.

He needs to get laid. To find a willing guy and fuck Kurt out of his system. To start the process of moving on.

That same satisfaction he experienced in that moment on the cruise is the one he seeks out in the faces of the men he scans. Is what he hopes for when a guy a few years younger than him that reminds him of a certain student smiles his way.

He goes home with the guy. Fucks him and spends the entire time thinking of Kurt. Doesn't apologize when he cries out Kurt's name instead of the guy's. Grunts in response and chooses to get dressed when the guy reminds him his name is Morgan.

"Sorry," he half-heartedly mumbles. He's not. He doesn't care if he hurt this guy's feelings. He'll never see him again after he leaves.

Morgan moves to kneel on his bed. "This was great. Do you want to hook-up again?"

Blaine is quick with his reply. "No."

Morgan's face falls. "Oh. I thought..."

Blaine blows out a tired breath. "I'm sorry. I want something you can't give me. At least that won't make me happy."

Understanding dawns on Morgan's face. "Kurt. The name you called me. He's who you want?"

"Yes." He's impressed by how quickly Morgan put those two together. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Morgan climbs out of bed and stands in front of Blaine. Satisfied grin on his face. "That was the best sex I've had in years. Tell this Kurt guy he's lucky."

Blaine bites his tongue from saying how complicated his relationship with Kurt is. How that would be impossible. The last thing he needs to do is dump his problems on a stranger.

"Yeah."

With a final goodbye, he leaves Morgan's place and drives home.

After a hot shower to wash away the smell of Morgan and sex, he feeds Julius and resigns himself to spending the rest of the night in front of the TV watching home renovations shows and drinking beer.

As far as Saturday nights go, it's one of the most miserable ones he can remember.


	6. Kurt

_"I try to expand my comfort zone by practicing the moves over and over again. I work through the fear, until it’s just not scary anymore." -Free Solo_

"No." The reply comes off Kurt's tongue clear and definitive. There's no doubting this is what he wants. That he won't change his mind.

The hopeful smile Richard wears falls at his reply. Disappointment replaces the hope Kurt first saw when he walked into the restaurant.

He knew what this was when Richard first asked to meet him here. Knew that Richard wanted to ask for more. Wanted something he just can't give him.

This is nothing new.

That is why he can't find it in himself to care that he hurt Richard. Because he has made it clear multiple times since they first fucked years ago that fucking is all it would ever be between them. He repeatedly told him to never ask or hope for more.

He's forgiven Richard for asking the few times he has. Loved his dick too much—and how well he could use it—to look past his ridiculous request. This stupid notion that they should be exclusive.

Now, though? Now, he's tired. Tired of holding onto something that no longer brings him a modicum of joy.

His time with Richard has run it's course. He's ready to move past him. To no longer concern himself with someone when he can't give them what they want.

"We've been sleeping together for a few years now, Kurt," Richard says. "I'm tired of having just this one piece of you. I want more. I want you to be mine."

The last part of Richard's statement has him thinking back to what Blaine told him in his office on that first day of class months ago. Those two words  _ Be mine _ were spoken with so much longing and desire that they nearly broke his carefully constructed resolve.

The ache that is constant now in his chest intensifies as he recalls those words spoken to him. How he let fear and doubt at hearing them drive his reason for what he said and did next. How he left that office after making the biggest mistake he could. Left with both of them hurting and longing.

This pain is his own doing. And he'll suffer through it like he deserves.

"I've told you numerous times that I don't fucking date!" Kurt ignores the looks his small outburst earns them. Instead focuses on putting Richard in his place. A place, he suddenly realizes, he doesn't want to be in the nearest vicinity of.

Maybe he's known for months now. When he came back to school. Or before. When he left that cruise ship. Whenever it was, he came to the conclusion that he no longer wants Richard. In any way.

Plus, there's only one person he wants to belong to. A person who haunts his every thought and dreams.

"Why? Why don't you date?"

Right then is when it strikes Kurt how little Richard knows him. How he never opened up to him in the two years he's known him. Not in the way he did with Blaine over those seven days on the cruise ship.

If that doesn't speak for how different his relationships with both men are, then he doesn't know what will.

"Because I don't want to be tied down by one guy," he lies. The truth, of course, being that there is only one guy he wants to catch and tie him down. To be exclusively with. But that's out the window since he was too much of a coward and idiot, and seems to have lost his chance at having that.

Richard exhales a heavy breath. Sits back in his seat. "Did I ever tempt you to change your mind?"

"No." He won't be nice and try to lessen Richard's pain. Nice will only give Richard hope. And that's the last thing he needs to give the guy. Hope will only drag this out. He needs to nip this in the bud right here right now.

"Blunt."

"When am I never not?"

There's a few moments of silence between them. Kurt grows more and more uncomfortable with every minute that passes. Wants to leave and put all this behind him already. Starts to gather his things to do just that.

Richard stands at the same time as him. "Can we at least fuck one last time?"

Kurt seriously considers the offer for a moment. Thinks of the hot, dirty sex he can have one last time with Richard. And although his cock very much likes the idea, he listens to his head. His big head that smartly tells him that fucking Richard would be a terrible idea. An idea that would leave him feeling horrible in the end. Just like the last two times they've fucked. Besides, this needs to be a clean break. Sex will only complicate things.

"No."

Richard stands when he does. Grabs one of his wrists to stop him from leaving.

"I'll be here when you change your mind."

"What makes you think I'll change my mind?"

Richard grins. "Because I know that no one can fuck you like I can."

Kurt tips his head back and laughs. Doesn't hold back. Is smiling when he lifts his head. He looks straight into Richard's eyes and says in a voice holding laughter, "I've had better than you." He yanks his wrist free. "And I won't be changing my mind."

He leaves with that final reply. Doesn't look back as he walks away from Richard. Has no reason to. Richard is now a part of his past. One he's ready to forget and move on from.

Outside, he breathes a big sigh of relief at getting that over with. Feels a weight lift off his shoulders.

Back at his place, he heads straight to the kitchen and grabs the bottle of Jack Daniel's. He takes a long pull from the bottle. Welcomes the feeling of the warm alcohol sliding down his throat.

He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. Puts the bottle back.

"Phe?"

No reply comes. He checks her room and finds it empty. Wonders where she could be since she's usually home at this time. Has taken notice over the past couple of weeks that this has been happening more and more. That he'll come home and not find her there when she tends to be.

She's actively trying to avoid him.

It’s not just her not being there when she normally would be. There’s also the fact that she’s been refusing his request to hang out whenever he’s asked.

He tries not to think of what could possibly be wrong. Doesn’t want to let his mind wander to crazy thoughts before he knows the truth of what’s causing this.

He sends a text to her asking if she's okay before undressing.

A hot, relaxing bath is much needed after that talk with Richard.

Steam fills the bathroom as the tub fills with hot water. He pours a lemon and lavender scented soap for baths into the water. Climbs in and immediately relaxes at the feeling of the hot water loosening his tight muscles.

Head resting back against the tub, eyes closed, it's not long before his thoughts drift to the only thing he really thinks about these days.

The memory is one he's been revisiting the most these past three weeks. The moment is from the last day on the cruise. When Blaine slowly fucked him while they laid on their sides facing each other.

Fingers skim along his inner thigh as he replays how Blaine entered him. Lips part in a small moan as he grazes his cock and thinks of how Blaine moved in and out of him. How he slowly took him without a care to the time that was quickly pushing them towards their separation.

He loosely wraps a hand around his cock. Gives slow, long strokes. Thumbs at the swollen head. Fingers of his other hand tease at his hole. He presses in with two. Slowly fucks himself while jerking his cock. Thinks of Blaine and that moment on the ship.

A soft knock has him stilling his hands and opening his eyes. He turns his head and smiles at the sight of his best friend. Not at all ashamed at her having caught him jerking off. She's seen him do much worse.

Relief also washes over him at seeing she's okay. At least physically.

Ophelia leans against the door frame wearing a look he's rarely seen on her: uncertainty. That surprises and worries him. Because he knows Ophelia as well as he knows himself. Has only seen her look uncertain a handful of times. The last time being when she was deciding if she should hide who she was while at college.

He sits up in concern. Instantly forgets about the memory and what he was doing. Glad she has come to him after staying away for these past two weeks. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Am I interrupting?"

"No. Of course not. Are you okay?"

She nervously chews her lower lip for a few seconds. "Can I join you?" Ophelia gestures to the bath.

"Always."

He watches her undress. Offers her his hand when she climbs into the tub and sits in the hot, soapy water. Grows more concerned when she draws her knees up to her chest and hugs her legs. That's not normal for her. Whenever they've taken a bath together before, he more often than not finds her lying back against him. And she's never this quiet or reserved. She's always quick to provide commentary on whatever she's thinking about.

"What did you do today?" she asks in a small voice.

He knows she's deflecting. That something is on her mind. Otherwise she wouldn't seem so unlike herself. But he doesn't say anything. Not yet. So, he tells her about his argument with Richard. About ending things completely with him.

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not," he says. "I think it was time I let him go. He wants things I can't give him."

"Things you can only give Blaine?"

"Yeah." Kurt looks at his best friend and sees the guilt and regret that mars her features. And he knows without asking what is on her mind. What caused her to act strange these past two weeks. And right now. He finds himself thinking back to the moment that is more than likely plaguing Ophelia. "We were drunk, Phe," he tells her. "It was a mistake. Can we forget it happened? Please. Because I don't want to continue like this. Don't let one drunken mistake ruin our friendship. I miss you.”

"I'm sorry, Kurt." Ophelia throws her arms around him and softly sobs into his neck. "I was lonely and angry at Brent. I shouldn't have pushed you that night."

It's then that it clicks why Ophelia has been avoiding him. Has been carrying the weight of guilt he's seen her wear. Why she was uncertain a moment before.

"Phe," he leans back so he's staring into her green eyes filled with tears and regret, "you didn't push me to do anything I didn't want to." He reaches a hand up and wipes away a tear on her cheek. Thinks of the night two weeks ago when they got drunk and fucked. How they went from laughing one moment to Ophelia climbing in his lap and sinking down around his cock the next. How they were both seeking comfort for something they thought they could get from the other. He's pretty positive Ophelia thought of Brent when they fucked. Just like he closed his eyes and thought of Blaine. "I was really fucking drunk and curious, and horny."

"You're always horny," Ophelia jokes in a soft voice.

Kurt laughs. "True. Plus, I was upset, too, when we slept together."

"Because of Blaine?"

"Yeah. Because of Blaine."

"He still with that guy?"

"Yeah," he replies, voice holding annoyance. "I saw them having lunch together." That's the reason why he got drunk with Ophelia, who was upset over Brent canceling his trip to come see her that weekend. He joined her on the couch. After one too many drinks, one thing led to another and they found themselves waking up naked on the couch.

They both avoided each other for the rest of that day. Kurt finally faced her the next evening and said what had happened between them was a mistake, and that they should just be grown ups and move on from it. To not let it come between their friendship in any way.

"I'm sorry, Kurt."

Kurt shrugs his shoulders. "It's my fault. I should have gotten my head out of my ass sooner."

"Did he look happy?"

The question has him thinking back to how Blaine was smiling and laughing, and looked carefree in a way he hasn't seen since they first saw each other again. 

"Yeah. He looked happy."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. It's not your fault." Kurt holds Ophelia tighter. "I'm going out tonight. Want to come?"

"Can't. I have a Skype date with Brent."

The mention of Brent leaves Kurt curious. "Have you told him we slept together?"

"No."

"Will you?"

"No. I don't want to hurt him," she replies.

"I think he would understand," he says.

"He wouldn't." She looks down at the soapy water. "He would only see that I fucked another guy. Doesn't matter that I was drunk, or that the guy in question is as gay as a pair of glittery rainbow booty shorts."

Kurt snorts. "I would take offense to that if it wasn't true." He presses a kiss to Ophelia's temple. "You could tell him you didn't even come."

Ophelia lets out a small, sad laugh. "I don't want to lie to the guy even more."

"Do I get a gold star for that? Or does my gay status get reduced because I made a girl come? Questions questions," he playfully muses.

Ophelia snorts. "Don't give yourself too much credit. They were nowhere near the best orgasms I've ever had."

Kurt mock gasps. "I'm offended."

"You're gay," she says. "The only reason you didn't get disgusted by the sight of my vagina is because you've seen it so much."

"True." He's been seeing Ophelia naked since the first week after they became friends when they were younger. She stripped down without a care before pulling on a bathing suit. The way she was comfortable in her skin encouraged his own comfortability with being naked in front of other people.

“Plus, I have to agree with you. They weren’t the best orgasms I’ve had either.”

“See.”

“You can officially cross off fucking women from my list of desires. Not that it was there to begin with.”

“Good to know I’m the one who made you definitively realize you don’t like pussy.”

Kurt snorts. “I think you deserve a gold star for that, then.”

Ophelia lets out a short laugh.

He climbs out of the tub not long after Ophelia. Dries off and dresses for his night out.

Excluding his mistake with Ophelia, he hasn't gotten laid in almost a month. Which is practically a year in his world. He needs dick. To be fucked for several hours. To forget everything that isn't pleasure.

As much as he wants to fuck Blaine, that isn't going to happen. So he's going out to find a guy who can satisfy him for the night. Well, as best they can.

"Where you going?" Ophelia sits on the edge of his bed. She's donned a pair of black sleeping shorts and a blue spaghetti strap top since getting out of the bath. Her hair has been pulled up into a messy, loose bun on top of her head.

"Don't know." Kurt shrugs his shoulders. Buttons the tight jeans he pulled on. The ones he knows really show off his ass. "You sure you don't want to come? I'm sure Brent would understand if you cancelled your Skype date."

Ophelia minutely shakes her head. "No. I want to talk to him. He’s still groveling for cancelling on me."

“Oh, yeah?”

“Yeah. He sent me a bouquet of yellow roses and a giant teddy bear.”

“Good.” Once again, Kurt is happy Ophelia has someone as great as Brent in her life. "Okay. If you change your mind, tell me. I'll tell you where I am." He doubts she’ll change her mind. That she’ll more than likely end up having Skype sex with Brent before passing out in her bed.

He finishes getting ready. Kisses Ophelia bye and leaves.

An hour and a half later finds him at a club he frequents a couple times a month. There's a few familiar faces he instantly recognizes. One of the guys, a man a few years older than him, is someone he remembers being great in bed. He goes over to him when he grins his way and tips his head to call him over.

"Hey, sexy," the guy, who's name he can't remember, says. "Didn't think I would see you again."

Kurt grins and presses close to his body. Ignores how he instantly realizes it's not the body he wants to feel against his own. He won't let thoughts of Blaine ruin his night. Stand in the way at the promise of him having great sex.

"Been busy," he tells the guy. "But I'm here now."

"Yes," the guy runs his hands down his back and grabs at his ass, "you are."

They move and grind to the music. Kurt moans at feeling the guy's hard cock dragging against his ass when he presses back against him. Already anticipates the great sex that awaits him at the end of the night. Sex he will try his hardest not to think about Blaine while having.

After dancing for several songs, and letting the guy drag his hands all over his body, he follows him to the bar for a drink.

"Forgive me, but I can't remember your name," the guy admits with a small laugh.

Kurt laughs in return. "I don't remember yours, either."

The guy holds out his hand. "Isaac."

Kurt shakes Isaac's hand. "Kurt."

"It's great to meet you again."

"You too."

He lets out a surprised gasp when Isaac yanks him close and crashes their mouths together.

_ Don't think of Blaine. _

Although he tells himself that, he can't stop from comparing Isaac to Blaine. How his mouth and lips are smaller. How his kisses are not as rough and pleasurable. How said kiss does nothing for him. Doesn't even spark the smallest hint of desire.

He made a promise to himself. He would not do this. Yet, here he is. Thinking of Blaine. Letting him infiltrate his thoughts and ruin his night.

No matter how hard he tries to push Blaine out of his head, he’s still there. He still fills his thoughts in everything he does when he’s with another guy.

He pulls away from Isaac gasping. Looks at him with half-lidded eyes filled with pleasure as he palms at his cock through his jeans.

"Let's get out of here."

Before, he would have replied with a resounding yes. But now, something stops him. Tells him to wait. That it will be worth it in the end.

So, he listens to that inner voice.

"Not yet," he replies. "I want to dance a bit longer."

"Okay."

They finish their drinks and go back onto the dance floor. Kurt slots his legs between one of Isaac's and grinds against him. Practically humps his leg like a dog. Welcomes his hard kisses when he yanks his head back. Shivers as he drags his other hand down and squeezes his ass.

"Gonna fuck this ass good tonight," he mumbles against his lips.

"Please..." he softly whines in need. In need of what? A deep need to forget. Forget Blaine and this constant hurt he brought on himself.

"You want that?" Isaac growls against his lips. His dark chocolate eyes drowning in fire and need. "You want me to shove my cock into this ass and fuck you until you're screaming my name?"

Kurt shudders at the promise. "Yes."

Isaac grins. "Let's go."

"Okay." Hot, dirty sex is what he wants. He knows he'll get that from Isaac. The only thing he needs to do is not let a certain professor enter his thoughts while having it.

Hand in Isaac's, he follows him to the exit. They push through the crowd of people. Stop when Isaac spots someone he knows.

"Who's this?" Isaac's friend asks as he nods his head to him.

"Kurt," Isaac replies. Kurt notices his grin. "Remember, I told you about him?"

Kurt watches as it dawns on Isaac's friend's face what he's talking about.

"Oh, yeah," the friend says with a wide grin. "Best fuck you've ever had."

"And plan to have again."

Right as Isaac pulls him close and kisses him, one hand grabbing and squeezing his ass, the one person he never expected to see tonight comes into his view.

The anger and pain on Blaine's face as he watches him be kissed and grabbed by another guy pains him to see.

This is the last thing he needs Blaine to see again.

He rips his mouth away from Isaac’s. “Fuck!”

Disappointment is clear on Blaine's face as he shakes his head. He turns around and leaves.

Kurt pushes Isaac away. No longer concerned with him. The only person he cares about is the one he follows through the crowd of people. Runs after Blaine when he gets caught in the crowd and loses sight of him after he goes through the exit. He runs down the alleyway and manages to find him walking toward his bike in a parking lot.

"Blaine!" he calls out when he's close.

The anger and hurt in Blaine's eyes when he turns to him fills him with guilt. "What, Kurt? What the fuck do you want?"

"Why are you acting like a jealous fucking boyfriend? I can have fun with whomever I want. We're not together." He doesn't know why he says that. It's not what he wants to say. He has so many things he wants to say. That he needs to say.

"You made fucking sure of that. So go back inside and fuck that guy like you normally would. Me? I'm done. I'm tired of chasing something I'll never catch." Blaine takes a breath. His body goes lax as he seems to resign himself to the fact that Kurt will never be his. "I just wanted you," he admits in a tired and defeated voice. "What was so wrong with that?" There's a heartbeat of silence that passes. "Goodbye, Kurt." He pulls on his helmet and flips the visor down.

_ What is so wrong with that? _

He has someone, an amazing someone at that, that wants him. But he was too chicken shit to put himself out there. And for what reason? Because he was scared of being hurt?

Pain is a natural thing. Ophelia is right. He can try his damnedest to avoid it. But it will happen no matter what. So why doesn't he control who hurts him? Why not be brave and let someone in for the first time?

Although that scares the shit out of him, for the first time in his life, he wants to let someone in. He wants to put himself out there even though there is a huge potential for him to get hurt. But it's worth it. Blaine is worth it.

“Move.”

“No.”

“Move!”

“No.” Kurt stands his ground. Is ready to fight for this. To fight for Blaine.

Blaine loudly revs the engine. Gets the desired effect he was after when Kurt jumps back from him.

Kurt stands there and watches as Blaine hesitates for a few moments. He's rooted to his spot until Blaine begins to pull out of his parking spot. The moment he sees Blaine begin to pull away and start to drive off, it fully hits him the mistake he's making. The one he's stupidly making again.

He can't let Blaine get away. Can't let one of them walk away again. Not when he finally realized this is what he wants. That Blaine is what he wants.

Without a second thought, he runs until he reaches the end of the alleyway where he knows Blaine will leave from. Breathes a deep sigh of relief when Blaine stops his bike only feet away from him.

"I was scared," he admits in a small voice. He knows it's impossible Blaine heard him. Not over the roar of the engine.

Blaine kills the engine and yanks his helmet off. He climbs off his bike and storms over to Kurt; eyes hard with anger. "What the fuck are you doing?" he yells, that anger boiling over. "I could have hit you. You could have gotten hurt."

Kurt is sure no pain he might have endured could compare to the one he's been dealing with for these past five months. The agony of not letting himself have something he wants because he thought it was the right thing for him.

For thirteen years of his life this is what he's wanted to avoid. He's been great at not attaching himself to someone. At being a loner when it came to his romantic life.

Now, though, he wants Blaine at his side. Wants to wake up and know that he has someone there. Someone who cares for him beyond the sex. Someone who knows him on a personal and emotional level. Someone who sees him. Flaws and all.

"I was scared, okay? I was fucking scared." He returns Blaine's anger. That anger, though, more for himself than Blaine. But he's still mad at Blaine. Mad at him for not giving up and pushing through. For forcing him to see what he would be missing.

"I saw what you were making me feel and I panicked. So, I ran. I did what I always do and ran. But I... Fuck." He runs a hand through his hair. "I made a mistake. I fucked up."

Blaine's features soften considerably. "What are you saying?"

"I... I'm saying I won't be perfect at this. Probably far from it. I'll screw up more than I'll get it right. But I-" He takes a deep breath to gather the strength to say what he wants to say. "I want to try and not be perfect with you. I lied that day in the office. I lied." He closes the space between Blaine and him until their chests touch. "You are worth the risk. Every fear and doubt I have about this is worth facing if I get y-"

Blaine's mouth crashing to his silences him. The kiss they share is rough and explosive, and filled with the months of pent up desire and need they couldn't give in to before.

Backed up against the brick wall of one of the buildings, Kurt moans and greedily accepts Blaine’s tongue into his mouth. Takes notice of how right and perfect kissing him feels. There’s no sense of something missing. Not like he experienced all the other times he kissed a guy these past months.

Teeth nip at his lower lip. Scrape over his chin and down his neck. Pleasure sparks and roars to life inside him unlike he’s felt since the last time he was with Blaine.

Hips rock forward for friction on his cock. He finds it against Blaine’s hip. Soaks up the amazing sensation he’s missed.

He rubs up against Blaine until a thought has him stilling and pushing Blaine away from him. “Wait.”

“Wha-” Blaine looks confused and worried. “What’s wrong?”

"The boyfriend?" No matter how much he may want to be with Blaine, he doesn't want to come between his relationship with the guy he's with. He stopped messing around with taken guys. The hassle of dealing with their significant other wasn't worth the sex. No matter how great.

Blaine grins. Pulls him close again. "We broke up two weeks ago."

That's the best news Kurt has heard in months.

They're suddenly kissing again. Kissing like two men starved. Hands roam over bodies as tongues thrust and lick.

Backed up against the brick wall once more, Kurt whines when Blaine lifts one of his legs to wrap around his waist. Shudders when he grinds his hips into him. Overwhelming need and desire floods his body. He practically drowns in it. Is minutely terrified of what Blaine is making him feel. Because this has never happened before. He’s never wanted someone as much as he wants Blaine in that moment.

He relaxes against Blaine. Catches his breath.

“Blaine?”

Blaine pulls back to look at him. “Yeah?”

Kurt says in a serious, and scared voice, "Don't make me regret this."

The grin that spreads across Blaine's face is so big and bright that Kurt is sure it could bring warmth and happiness to anyone who saw it. There's a sense of selfish pride at knowing he's the only person who's getting to experience that amazing smile.

"Don't be scared, darling. I'll be gentle."

"I hope not all the time." He leans in and sensually whispers into Blaine's ear, "Especially tonight."

The promise of sex has both of them roughly kissing again. He groans when Blaine teasingly palms over his stiff cock.

“Keep doing that and I’ll come right here,” he warns.

Blaine removes his hand. “Fine. Your place or mine?"

The thought of Ophelia and her smug smile has Kurt replying they should go to Blaine's place. Plus, he really doesn't want an audience when he knows he's about to be screaming while having his brains fucked out.

"Here."

It's only when Blaine holds out an extra helmet that he remembers Blaine's mode of transportation. He holds up his hands in defiance. "Hell no. I'm not getting on that." He takes a step back from Blaine's bike. No matter how sexy Blaine manages to look on his bike doesn't mean he wants to join him. "I'll call an Uber and meet you at your place."

Blaine reaches out and grabs his wrist, yanks him close. "Get on the bike, Kurt."

"No." Kurt wants to rip his arm away. But Blaine's touch is too damn amazing. The fire it creates is too great to give up. "This is one of those outside of my comfort zone things. I want to stay in my zone."

Blaine grins as he seems to recall their conversation on the ship about comfort zones. How he didn't venture outside his, while Blaine seemed to race out of his. "Kurt," the way he says his name strokes his cock, "if you're going to be with me, I'm going to push you out of that zone you're too comfortable in."

Kurt doesn't say that he's already doing that. That agreeing to be with him and only him is escaping a comfort zone he knew all too well.

"Get. On. The. Bike."

The command spoken in that hard voice sends a strong shudder through him. Has him wishing they were already back at Blaine's place.

"You better not crash." He notices Blaine's grin as he slips the helmet on.

"I promise I won't." Blaine slides a hand down Kurt's leg after he climbs on. "Not when I have precious cargo on board."

Kurt's heart thumps in his chest. Instead of hiding away from the feeling, he does something he's never done before: he embraces it. Welcomes the warmth that blooms in his chest and spreads outward.

"Now, hold on." Blaine pulls his helmet on and flips his visor down.

He winds his arms around Blaine's torso. Does as he's told and holds on tight for the journey he’s about to take.


	7. Kurt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait. I rewrote this chapter when I realized I didn't like what I had originally.  
> Thank you to everyone who has left comments and kudos.

_"In English? I'll fuck your brains out." -Cruel Intentions_

The quickness with which he jumps off the bike after Blaine pulls into the driveway of his house nearly has him stumbling to the ground. He finds his bearings and yanks the helmet off. Shoots Blaine a glare when he hears him laughing. The sight of him, though, still straddling the bike, is enough to remind him why they're at his house.

Blaine turns off the bike and pulls off his helmet. His curls are a mess that manage to make him sexier.

"I hate that thing." Kurt sneers at the bike like it wronged him. "I never want to ride it again."

"We'll see about that."

"No, we won't. Now get off that bike, take me inside, and give me something else I will thoroughly enjoy riding."

In an instant, Kurt finds himself yanked close to a hard body and mouth claimed in a rough, dizzying kiss. The low growl Blaine releases when he thrusts his hips forward sends a tingle straight to his balls; strokes his cock.

Blaine grabs a handful of his hair and yanks his head back. "Keep doing that and I'll fuck you right here in my front yard."

Kurt groans at picturing that. At Blaine claiming him out in the open for anyone to see. But he knows that's dangerous and stupid.

"Then take me inside, Professor."

Blaine inhales a sharp breath. His eyes grow dark and fiery.

Hand taken in a firm grip, he bites back a laugh at the speed with which Blaine rushes him into the house. Greatly enjoys seeing how much he wants him.

"Home sweet home," Blaine says right before shoving him up against the door seconds after they step inside.

Kurt moans at the force with which Blaine takes his mouth again. Hands scramble to push off coats as mouths move against each other. Blaine grabs at his ass after lifting him up. Legs wrap around Blaine's waist. Arms wind around his shoulders.

The way Blaine kisses him, deep and sensual, tongue stroking his, has his need exploding into a hunger that can no longer be ignored.

"Fuck me," he murmurs against Blaine's lips.

Blaine growls. Sets him down and grabs his hand.

They race up the stairs and to the main bedroom. Kurt barely takes a look around the room before he finds himself being yanked to the adjoining bathroom.

Pushed up against the bathroom counter, arms go above his head when Blaine slips his hands under his shirt and pushes it up. Shirt pulled off and dropped to the floor, he reaches for Blaine's shirt and does the same. Groans in appreciation at the sight of Blaine's sculpted, toned body. Is immediately struck with the strong need to paint Blaine's abs with his cum. To kiss and drag his tongue over the lines and ridges; to relearn the body he forgot.

"Can I tempt you with shower sex?"

"You can tempt me with anything, as long as it involves sex," Kurt replies with a smirk. He leans in to kiss Blaine but abruptly pulls away. "Wait. You hate shower sex. I hate shower sex. Why are we having shower sex?"

Blaine tugs Kurt closer. Skims his lips up his neck and along his jaw until he reaches the shell of his ear. "Because you smell like him."

That's all Kurt needs to hear.

"Lead the way."

As Blaine walks him backwards the few steps to the shower, he kicks off his shoes.

Hot water immediately falls down around them like rain from the showerhead in the ceiling not long after they step into the shower. Kurt gasps. Not caring that his jeans are getting soaked. All he cares about is Blaine fucking him.

A strong shiver wracks his body when Blaine scrapes his teeth along his throat. As hands roam down his back and grab at his ass. When Blaine grinds his hips into him.

A fire of need erupts inside him. It's stroked stronger and bigger with everything Blaine does. Has him practically vibrating with need for the man currently driving him crazy.

A sharp hiss passes between his lips when Blaine gently bites one of his peaked nipples. A tongue flicks over the hardened nub before Blaine moves to do the same to the other.

He grabs at Blaine's wet curls and watches as he kisses his way down his stomach. Blaine kisses and teases his tongue at his bellybutton. Lightly nips the soft, wet skin.

Hazel eyes burning with desire gaze up at him when Blaine begins to mouth at the obvious bulge in his jeans.

He drops his head back; unable to look at Blaine like that without begging to be taken. " _ Oh, fuck! _ "

Hips rock forward against Blaine's mouth. Pleasure and pinpricks of pressure already begin to form. They're like wisps of smoke. Are a promise of what awaits him once Blaine takes him over the edge he so desperately wants to fall over.

Fingers swiftly work open his jeans. It's a struggle to take the wet material off his legs. Blaine and him are both laughing by the time his jeans are fully pulled off.

"Maybe we should have undressed before getting in here," Blaine says after he stands.

Kurt agrees with a nod of his head. Reaches down and flicks open Blaine's jeans. "Your turn."

By the time they get Blaine's jeans off, both of them are slightly frustrated and annoyed.

"I'll be back in a second," Blaine says before walking out of the shower.

He stares at Blaine's amazing ass as he leaves.

Hand around his cock is how Blaine finds him when he returns moments later clutching something in one hand. His eyes drop to Blaine's long, thick cock that curves up to his stomach and bobs with ever step he takes. Aches to have it stretching and filling him. But hungers for something else first.

Knees hit the wet floor the moment Blaine rejoins him in the shower. He wraps a hand around the base of Blaine's cock. Gives a long stroke to the velvety, hard flesh. Runs his tongue over the swollen head that beads with pre-cum.

Lips wrap around Blaine. He takes every glorious inch of him into his mouth. Moans at the wonderful small taste of him he gets. Gives a hard suck. Lets go of all pretenses and begins to suck Blaine's cock with all the skills he's mastered over the years.

If there's one thing he wants as much as the pleasure he'll be getting tonight, it's giving Blaine the same kind of pleasure. Making him feel good in the way he deserves.

Hands planted on Blaine's strong thighs, he bobs his head at an even, steady pace. Tongues at Blaine's hard shaft. Gives no attention to the spit that runs out of his mouth and mixes with the water as it slides down his chin and neck. Thinks nothing of his hard, straining cock desperate for his touch.

All that matters in the moment is Blaine, and making him feel good.

He loves this. How could he forget how much he loves sucking Blaine's cock? He didn't get to do this nearly enough on the ship. Already makes plans to make up for missing out on this.

Kurt looks up at Blaine. Lips stretch into a grin as he gives a hard suck. Fingers pull at his hair while Blaine thrust deep into his mouth.

Eyes never break contact. Not as Blaine shoves himself deep down his throat. Not as he begins to fuck his mouth with harder thrusts of his hips. Not even when he pulls off and presses soft, teasing kisses along his cock. Takes just the swollen, purple head between his lips and sucks.

Blaine watches him with barely contained need. It's so fucking hot to see him this way. For the past three months all he's seen is Professor Blaine. The put together, lovable, kind guy that amused him since he knew what kind of guy that hid behind that exterior. The kind of guy currently shoving his cock back between his lips and fucking his mouth without holding back.

A loud, unabashed moan fills the air after Blaine drops his head back.

The fingers in his hair tighten their grip. He moans himself at the zing of pain. Continues to suck and swallow around Blaine. Reaches up with a free hand to fondle and massage his balls.

"Fuck!" Blaine groans as he shoves his hips forward. "Gonna come."

Kurt readies himself for that. Wants it. Wants to feel Blaine explode in his mouth; release all over his tongue and down his throat.

Disappointment slams into him, though, when Blaine suddenly pulls away. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. "I thought-"

"Get up!" Blaine commands in that hard voice that is so fucking sexy, and impossible to ignore.

Kurt stands. Grins at his rule-breaking professor. "Something you want, Professor?"

Blaine grabs his hip and turns him to face the wall. Presses him up against the warm tile. Plasters his body to his back. Grinds his hips forward.

He bites back a moan at the feel of Blaine's hard cock dragging against his ass.

"Yes," Blaine murmurs into his ear. Fingers skim down his back and over his ass. They dip between his cheeks. Tease at his hole with slow traces. "I want to fuck this ass until you scream."

Kurt lets out a soft whine.

"Please."

Blaine drags his teeth along his neck that has been pulled taut from where he's yanked his head back.

"Do you want my cock?"

He shudders at the hunger he hears in Blaine's voice. His own hunger is discernible in his voice when he replies. "Yes."

Water continues to fall around them as Blaine slowly works him open with his fingers. As he pushes and thrusts in an almost torturous way. Like he's punishing him for making him wait so long for this again by taking his time with him.

He rocks his hips back on Blaine's fingers. Enjoys the sensation of Blaine fucking his ass with them. But can't deny they're nothing close to what he really wants from Blaine. What he's wanted from him again for five months.

"Please..." he begs.

Instead of pushing into him after he removes his fingers, Kurt huffs in annoyance when Blaine shuts the water off and takes his hand.

"Come on."

"No more shower?" he asks Blaine with a smile as he follows him out of it.

"No." Kurt suddenly finds himself bent over the bathroom counter. "It's served its purpose."

He rubs his ass back on Blaine's cock. "Why don't you serve your purpose for right now."

The tile of the countertop is cold against his heated and flushed skin.

"Which is?" Blaine plays dumb.

Kurt lifts his head and looks over his shoulder at a smirking Blaine. "Shoving your cock in my ass and fucking me until I scream."

"Right."

If he wasn't so turned on and needy, Kurt would laugh at Blaine's ridiculous antics.

The blunt head of Blaine's covered and slick cock is pressed to his hole.

A groan escapes both of them as Blaine begins to press into his ass.

Hands on his cheeks spread him open.

"Missed this," Blaine murmurs; touches a thumb to where he's stretching him open.

"Missed this, too," he says. Then admits, "Missed you." To let himself be open and vulnerable with his feelings scares him. But there's no denying the joy he experiences when Blaine lets out a soft  _ Fuck _ and shoves the rest of himself inside his body.

The fullness he feels with Blaine buried inside him is the one he missed. The one he unconsciously sought out in the men he fucked these past five months. To have it again feels like breathing a breath of fresh air after being surrounded by smog.

This is what he wanted for the past five months. What he stupidly denied himself when he let his fear and doubt stand in the way.

Not anymore.

He's pushing past any self-constructed barrier he created and letting himself take and enjoy what he wants.

Pushed up onto his hands, he squeezes around Blaine. "Fuck me."

He's tired of waiting; of continuing to be denied what he's gone too long without.

Blaine presses his forehead to the back of his head; lets out a heavy breath. "I've waited months to hear you say that to me again."

"I've said it. Now follow through." There's no ignoring the frustration in his voice.

Blaine chuckles. "I can take a hint."

Hands on his hips grip him as Blaine slowly draws his hips back. The sensation of Blaine sinking back inside draws a low moan from him.

He loves being able to feel every inch of Blaine.

He reaches a hand back and grabs at Blaine's ass cheek. Another moan falling from his lips when he pulls back and slams his hips forward.

The fingers of his hand dig into Blaine's flesh when he begins to fuck him fast and hard, and without abandon. Hips slam into his ass; grind forward. The head of Blaine's cock barely brushes his prostate.

"B-Blaine... Please..." He isn't sure what he's begging for. He just wants and needs more.

Annoyance has him furrowing his brows when, instead of fucking him harder, Blaine slows his movements.

"No!" He softly whines. That’s the exact opposite of what he wants.

"Kurt."

It's such a shock to hear Blaine say his name while fucking him. But he won't deny he loves hearing Blaine speak his name with such passion and lust.

"Say... Say it again," he breathlessly gasps. Whimpers when Blaine's hips are pressed flush against his ass and he grinds against him.

Blaine mouths and kisses along his shoulder. Licks away the drops of water that still cling to his skin. Kisses up to his ear. "Kurt."

A shudder wracks his body. He wants to hear Blaine say his name a thousand times. Never wants to go again where he doesn't know it.

He asks Blaine over and over again to say it. Gets immense satisfaction and pleasure every time he does.

Blaine continues to stroke in and out of him at a torturous and slow pace. "Look, Kurt," he quietly but roughly says. "Look." Kurt lifts his head and stares at what Blaine wants to see. Looks at their reflections in the mirror. Eyes roam over his body flush with desire and pleasure. Then over Blaine's body strong and hard as he fucks him. "That's us. You and me. Don't be scared by it. Because this is right. We're right."

No two words have ever sounded more right than those two in the moment.

He stops Blaine and pushes him out of his body. Turns to face him. Wraps his legs around his waist after he lifts him up with ease.

"We're right."

No matter whatever fear or doubt or concern he may have, the truth of those two words are ones he can't deny. Those two words assure him this relationship with Blaine was worth fighting for.

He lets out a moan when Blaine pushes back inside him.

One hand is planted on the countertop behind him as the other grips Blaine's shoulder.

There's no more slow and gentle. Blaine fucks him with months of pent-up hunger. Thrusts his hips up repeatedly with an aggressiveness that hurts in the best way possible.

The air is briefly knocked out of him when Blaine slams him up against a wall. He gasps and moans as Blaine continues to fuck him at a rough, hard pace. Works his hips down to meet his deep thrusts. Clings to him like a buoy he doesn't want to let go of.

Lips crash to his in a bruising kiss. Teeth nip over his lower one. He parts them and welcomes Blaine's tongue into his mouth. Moans at the way he fucks his mouth with his tongue the same way he fucks his ass.

He happens to glance at the mirror and trembles at what he sees. At the sight of their reflections. Of Blaine's strong, muscular backside as he fucks into him. And him with skin flush and pleasure drowning in his eyes.

Pressure grows to an unmistakable sign.

"Close."

Blaine buries his face in his neck and growls. Fucks into him as hard as he can. Swivels his hips until he's nailing his prostate.

Kurt grabs at the back of Blaine's head; yanks his head back so he's looking right into his eyes as he comes. 

He cries out Blaine's name as he clenches around his cock; comes untouched between their bodies. Jets of cum coat both their stomachs. It shoots up high and lands on their chests.

Blaine's eyes are still locked on his when he follows with his own release moments later.

Trembling and panting, body hit with aftershocks, riding a high he hasn't experienced since Blaine last fucked him, he presses his mouth to Blaine's in an open-mouth kiss.

It takes a few minutes for both of them to get their bearings. Blaine sets him down on shaky legs after they do. He holds tight to Blaine to stay upright.

Blaine removes the used condom and tosses it in the trash bin. Cleans them with a damp washcloth before grabbing his hand. "Let's go to bed."

"Mmhm." A bed sounds perfect.

They walk out of the bathroom.

Kurt takes in Blaine's bedroom now that his thoughts are not on fucking him.

It's a simple room. With white walls and dark wooden floors. In one corner is a winged-back chair. A dresser sits against one wall. But it's the massive king sized bed that he really takes notice of. Instantly thinks of all the fun they can have on it.

He walks over and falls back on the soft, comfortable bed. Pleasure still tingles under his skin. But it begins to fade, and he wants more. He wants Blaine to make him feel good for days. Weeks. Months.

Six months ago that thought would have terrified him. It would have made him push away from Blaine. He would have run like he normally did.

Now, though, he crooks his finger at Blaine.

"Fuck, you're gorgeous." Blaine kneels on the padded bench at the end of the bed.

Kurt spreads his legs. "And all yours."

Blaine grabs around his thighs and yanks him down the bed. "Say it again."

"I'm all yours, Blaine." A few months ago those words would have terrified him. Would have had him running away from what he's feeling. Now, though, he embraces those feelings that create a warmth inside him.

Plus, to see the beautiful smile that splits Blaine's face at his words makes facing his fear all worth it.

"Fuck me again."

Blaine chuckles. "I'm not surprised by that request."

"Good. Be prepared to hear it a ton now that we're together." The words feel right coming off his tongue. He loves them. Blaine must love them, too, based on the way he attacks his mouth.

"Fuck! Hearing you say that is almost as good as dirty talk."

Kurt laughs. Looks down and sees Blaine is in fact getting hard again.

He reaches a hand down and wraps it around Blaine. Strokes him long and slow.

"Do you want to fuck me again?"

"Yes. But first," Kurt suddenly finds himself flipped to his front and hips raised off the bed, "I want to eat this ass."

"Oh, fuck yes!" He pushes his knees further apart. Didn't realize how much he wanted that until Blaine mentioned it.

The first pass of Blaine's tongue over his hole sends a sharp spark of pleasure along his spine. He moans and pushes his hips back for more.

Blaine licks and thrusts his tongue. Traces his rim. Pushes it past the loosened muscles and fucks him.

His moans mix with Blaine's muffled ones. Pleasure and need growing by the second.

"Fuck me," he desperately pleads.

Turned to his side, his top knee pushed up to his chest, a groan claws its way out of his throat when Blaine shoves back inside him after rolling on a condom and slicking up his cock.

There's no holding back from either of them. This is raw, carnal desire in its purest form.

They fuck without thought or care. Both of them chasing that pleasure they crave.

Afterwards, bodies slick with sweat and cum, both of them breathing heavy, Kurt lies besides Blaine and thinks of the fool he had been. How he denied them this because he was a coward.

He turns his head to Blaine. "I'm sorry."

Blaine looks at him; eyebrows drawn together in worry. "For what?"

"For being too afraid to see past my fears to allow this sooner."

"It's okay, darling. You're here now."

"And we can make up for lost time now."

"Oh, we can, can we?"

"Yup." Kurt moves to straddle Blaine. Rubs his ass back on his cock. "So, are you prepared, old man?"

Blaine yanks him down and crushes their mouths together. "I'll show you old.”


	8. Blaine

_"In my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly who you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome… The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass." - Juno_

Endurance is something Blaine has built up over years from running, swimming, climbing, and hiking. He knows how to easily hold his own doing several laps in an Olympic size pool; running a 15k marathon. Or free soloing the side of a mountain in eight hours.

But he's sure he's met his match in Kurt. Kurt, who is currently riding his cock for the second time, chasing his fourth orgasm of the night. Kurt, who doesn't seem even close to winded or tired. Kurt, who is so fucking beautiful straddling his waist seeking out his pleasure that he forgets that it's nearly four a.m. and he had early morning plans. Plans he's more than likely going to abandon. Because this is as great a workout as any.

His body will hate him later. But he doesn't care. Five months he waited for this. At one point he thought he would never have it again. So, he's going to indulge without a thought to the consequences his body will face.

He knew Kurt loved sex. Can easily go all night if he wants to. But somewhere along the line he forgot just how much it takes to please him. Though, not at all upset at having to do so.

Kurt rocks faster and harder. Curls his fingers against his chest. Moves his hands to either side of his head before leaning down. "How you doing, old man?" A smirk plays at his delectable lips. Lips he recalls wrapped around his cock in the shower only hours before.

"Keeping up." He grabs behind Kurt's neck and yanks him down. Crushes their mouths together in a hard kiss. Mumbles against his lips, "I can do this all night."

This time Kurt's smirk is big; proud. "I remember." He slows the rolls of his hips. Lifts and drops them at a leisurely pace. Swivels and rocks them. "Only guy who could keep up with me."

Blaine snorts. "You don't make it easy. I've run marathons that are easier than fucking you."

Kurt quirks an eyebrow. "You saying you’re tired?"

In an instant, he has Kurt pinned beneath him. Legs hook over his hips. He holds Kurt's wrists down against the bed above his head. Moves his hips in shallow thrusts. Grinds them forward. Grins when Kurt tips his head back and moans.

"Never said I was tired." He increases the roughness of his thrusts. "Just saying you're making my endurance cry out of shame."

Kurt proudly grins. "I'm not sorry, old man. I love to fuck. I've figured out over the years how to make it so I can do it all night." He arches his hips. Clenches around Blaine. "You sure you've got the endurance for that?"

Blaine answers his question by putting him on all fours and fucking him until he's screaming out his name in pleasure.

Afterwards, lying in a tangle of limbs and sweaty bodies, chests heaving, he momentarily wonders if he'll ever be able to move again. The overdramatic thought makes him chuckle.

Kurt lifts his head from where it rests on his chest. "What?"

"Nothing. Just being stupid." He gazes into eyes blue as the ocean. Strokes a thumb over the flushed skin of the apple of Kurt's cheek.

There's so many things he wants to ask. To know and learn about this man who is being open and vulnerable for him. So many things he wants to know that he doesn't know where to begin.

Dozens of questions sit heavy on his tongue. Weigh it down. Some questions he knows are too soon to ask. Others that are bursting to be spoken after being trapped inside for too long.

For all the questions he has, though, the one he asks is a simple one.

"Are you hungry?"

Kurt smiles. "Starved."

They use a damp towel to clean up before pulling on their underwear and heading downstairs. Blaine spots Julius curled up on the couch asleep. His soft, light snores fill the otherwise quietness.

He rummages around in his fridge for something to eat. Kurt checks out his pantry.

"French toast?" he calls out in suggestion.

"Too much work," Kurt replies. "PB&Js?"

"Perfect." Blaine grabs the grape jelly and sourdough bread from the fridge.

They both easily devour their sandwiches after making them. Their appetites greater than they initially thought.

Sat on the countertop of his kitchen island, Kurt next to him finishing off the last of his sandwich, cock stirring at the way he licks jelly off his thumb, he almost wants to pinch himself to make sure this isn't another wonderful dream like he’s had for the past five months. Maybe that's why he grabs Kurt's chin and kisses him. Thrust his tongue into his mouth that taste of peanut butter and grape jelly. Lies down on the island, one leg dangling over the edge, and pulls Kurt on top of him.

"Look at you, old man," Kurt smirks as he shoves his boxer-briefs down, "...already learning to keep up."

Blaine reaches a hand down and wraps it around Kurt's half-hard cock. Begins to stroke him; feels him grow harder in his hand. Swipes at the pre-cum already gathered at the tip. "I know how to keep up." He twists his wrist on an upstroke. Soaks in the moan Kurt lets out. "I just had to remember."

He jerks Kurt until he's shoving into his tight fist and whimpering above him. Desperately chasing that release he craves.

Lips press to his in a fumbling, sloppy kiss. Kurt gasps and pants against his mouth when he finally erupts with his release.

Cum spills over his fist and paints his stomach and chest. But he notices none of that. Only how outstandingly stunning Kurt is as pleasure claims him. It's a sight he missed greatly these past months.

Arms wind around Kurt and hold him after he collapses to him in a breathless heap. Blaine takes his own pleasure in feeling him tremble in his arms. Loves knowing he reduced him to the temporary mess that can't speak, and is gasping for breath.

He skims his fingers up and down Kurt's back. "You don't know how much I wanted this again."

Kurt nuzzles his nose against his neck. "I think I do."

* * *

The fear he feels that last night was some wonderful dream is extinguished when he opens his eyes and finds Kurt beautifully straddling his waist and slowly riding his cock.

"Fuck!" He grabs at Kurt's rocking hips.

A grin splits Kurt's face. "Morning, Professor."

His title has never sounded sexier.

Knees slightly bent, he begins to thrust up into Kurt. Groans as his cock strokes in and out of him.

"Love waking up like this."

Kurt trembles above him. "Wanted you," he softly murmurs.

To hear those words from the guy he's longed for is like finding gold. Some part of him doesn't want to believe what he has. That it's not real; that it'll all disappear at any moment. But he's going to treasure every moment for how valuable they mean to him.

"Say it again."

Lips press to his slightly parted ones when Kurt leans down. The words  _ Wanted you _ brush over his lips. Sends a tingle skittering across his skin.

They move together until they're coming. Kurt falls over the edge first. He follows moments later from watching him.

"I'm surprised Julius isn't in here," he comments as Kurt lies curled into his side after they come down from their highs.

"He was. I was sucking your cock and that orange beast was whacking my head with his paw. So, I threw him out of the room. I don't think he likes me."

Only then does Blaine take notice of the annoyed meowing outside his closed bedroom door. He laughs while pulling Kurt closer. "Orange beast?"

"Did you not hear the part where he was hitting me?"

"I did. But that's his way of showing his love. He was also probably curious about you."

"I'm sure he hates me now for throwing him out," Kurt says.

"Most likely."

"I don't care. I wanted to ride your cock. That took precedence over the orange beast liking me."

Blaine smiles at Kurt's nickname for his cat. He turns so Kurt is under him. "His name is Julius."

"I know. Named after the drink and not the Roman emperor."

"You remember that?"

"I remember everything about that week." Kurt groans. "Oh god. You're turning me into one of those romantic, cheesy people. I hate you."

The words draw an automatic response from Blaine to bite Kurt's lip. "Lie to me again," he murmurs against the abused skin. Kurt moans and trembles under him. The same reaction from when they were on the cruise. "Don't worry. I won't tell anyone you're a secret romantic."

"Shut up," Kurt says with a small laugh. A blush staining his cheeks.

"Why don't you make me." Blaine smirks.

Kurt's eyes gleam with lust. "I think I will."

He goes down on Kurt for the next half hour. Sucks his cock to the point he's begging and pleading with him to come. Pushes two fingers into his ass and massages his prostate until he's crying out his name while coming down his throat.

They clean up and dress before heading downstairs. He spots Julius sitting on the floor where the sun is streaming in.

"Hey, beast."

Blaine smiles.

Julius sits there angrily eyeing Kurt. He swears he can see him contemplating revenge.

"Be nice, Julius."

Julius stands and walks away. Giving off attitude with the flick of his tail.

"Beast."

The nickname spoken with a hint of disdain makes him snicker.

Getting to witness the unfolding relationship between his cat and boyfriend promises to be an entertaining one.

The term boyfriend causes him to pause in his tracks and think.

Is that what this is? Is Kurt his boyfriend?

He wants that more than anything.

Arms winding around his waist and lips pressing a kiss to the back of his neck bring him out of his thoughts.

"What are you thinking about, old man?"

He smiles at Kurt's nickname for him. Finds no disgust or anger about it. Knows it's said in jest.

"You."

"Mmm." Kurt lightly bites at his shoulder. "I would hope so. What about me?"

Blaine takes a breath and turns to Kurt; ready to face this unknown head on. To figure this out now and not later.

The last thing he wants to do is risk his heart only to find out this was only something fun for Kurt.

"What is this? What are we?"

"Well, right now this is us making lunch. Then it'll be us fucking."

"I'm serious, Kurt."

“So am I.”

“Kurt.”

Kurt grows serious. "Okay. You want to know what this is?"

"Yes."

"Okay. This is me offering all of myself to you in a way that scares the fuck out of me, simply because I've never done that before. This is me choosing only you. Choosing to go home to you every night. I guess..." Kurt takes a breath. "I guess this is me being your boyfriend." He jokingly screws up his face in disgust. Makes a gagging noise. “Don’t tell anyone I ever said that word in a serious manner.”

Blaine chuckles and pulls him close. Relieved that what he wanted is what Kurt is offering.

"Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Yes."

"Good. Now, can we eat? Because my sexy boyfriend gave me quite the workout, and I'm starved."

Just hearing Kurt refer to him as his boyfriend has his dick perking up. But he refrains from doing anything about it. His own hunger outweighs his desire to fool around with Kurt.

Besides, he now has endless opportunities to do that.

A quick lunch of pasta made, they sit on his couch and eat while watching a home renovation show.

"You like these kinds of shows?" Kurt asks out of curiosity.

"Yeah. Not necessarily for the end results. I like watching people work with their hands."

Blaine suddenly finds his lap filled with Kurt. Which is far from the worst thing to have to deal with.

"I can work with my hands, Professor."

He grabs at Kurt's ass. "Is that so?"

"Mhmm." Kurt nods his head while kissing along his jaw. "I've been told I'm really good with my hands. Want me to show you?"

While half his brain, and dick, scream yes, the other half has a stunning realization.

"Kurt?"

"Yeah?" Kurt murmurs while running his hands over his chest under his shirt.

The touch, while wonderful and distracting, doesn't completely pull Blaine away from his thoughts.

"What do you think I want out of this relationship?" That's a loaded question for anyone to answer. But he needs to know how Kurt answers. Needs to see if he's right in his assessment of things.

Kurt is softly laughing when he pulls back. "Sex, obviously," he replies in a "Isn't that obvious" tone.

Blaine hangs his head and lets out a breath. "Fuck."

This is what he assumed. What he feared.

Where someone else would find great enjoyment in being with someone who only wanted sex out of a relationship, that's not him. Yes, he wants sex with Kurt, too. But he wants everything else. Wants the big and little moments that come with being with someone.

"Kurt," he lifts his head and sees Kurt's smile has disappeared and he now wears a look of uncertainty and embarrassment, "there's more to a relationship than sex."

Kurt visibly deflates before his eyes. The confidence he proudly wore moments before is gone in the blink of an eye. Blown away like spores of a daffodil wished on. His confidence carries away in the air. Scatters in pieces.

He holds him when he attempts to pull away from him. It's the last thing they need. He needs Kurt to see that he doesn't need to run; to hide. That he'll be there for him through all the unknown he's about to face. That there's no need for embarrassment or shame.

Mainly, he needs Kurt to see that this is part of what being with someone is. That it's two people being there for the other no matter what.

"Don't," he commands when Kurt tries, once again, to pull away. He holds him tighter. "Look at me, Kurt."

Kurt keeps his head turned away from him in obvious shame. His neck red from the embarrassment that heats his skin.

"Look at me." He grabs at Kurt's chin and turns his head. Sees the shame that fills his eyes. "Don't be embarrassed."

"I am."

"Why?"

"Because I... I don't know how to be with someone," Kurt admits. "I only know this." He gestures to Blaine's dick.

The admission and vulnerability on Kurt's face is such a stark contrast to the confident, sure guy he knows. His heart aches for the guy who lost out on the growing up and learning that someone gains from being in a relationship.

"Come here, darling." Blaine pulls Kurt close. Holds him for a long time with neither of them saying a word.

It’s clear that Kurt has a lot to learn. But he is more than happy to be the person to show him everything he needs to know.

"Blaine."

"Hmm?"

Kurt lifts his head. "I know this is a serious moment. But I can't stop thinking about your cock against my ass. And I was just wondering... Can I jerk us off at the same time?"

Blaine chuckles. Yanks his shirt off. Knows Kurt needs this moment of surety. "Have at it."

Twenty minutes later finds him wiping away his and Kurt's cum that paints his chest and the ridges of his abs with his discarded shirt. Roams his eyes over Kurt's flushed cheeks. Stares into his eyes blazing with a heat that makes his stomach twist with desire.

To build their relationship on the foundation of sex is stupid. It's like building a house on a foundation of mud. The house will not stand for long. That's why he needs to show Kurt there can be more to this.

"Let's take a bath."

Upstairs, laid back against the porcelain tub, Kurt lying against him, hot water soothing on his tired, sore muscles, he lets out a heavy sigh when he feels Kurt wrap a hand around his cock.

"Kurt." Blaine sits up and reaches in the water; grabs his wrist. Yanks his hand away from him. "We can be more than sex."

Kurt visibly deflates. He drops his head, and shoulders sag. "I know. I'm so new to this that I don't know what to do other than have sex. When I'm alone with a guy, that's all it's ever been. I don't know how to be around one without my thoughts going straight to sex." He lifts his eyes and Blaine's heart twists at the raw emotion he sees in them. The uncertainty and vulnerability. "Sex is all I'm great at."

Blaine gathers Kurt in his arms. Winds his arms around his waist. Ignores Kurt's arousal he feels against his hip. "That's a lie, Kurt. I've read your work. You're a great fucking writer. Sex is not your calling card. Don't let it be. You are more than what some people think of you."

Kurt looks at him in wonder. "How can you say such wonderful things about me, even though I'm..."

"What, Kurt?" He lifts Kurt's chin when he drops his head. "What do you think you are?" Anger already grips him over however Kurt sees himself. Knows it's nothing good based on the hurt and sadness in his blue eyes.

"People call me so many things. Things that can't be anything but true. Used goods. Easy. A whore. Slut."

The way Kurt looks away and his voice breaks tears at something inside Blaine. Has him remembering the way Kurt reacted the same way on the cruise after telling him people called him easy.

He wants to find every person whoever said anything bad about Kurt and hurt them in return the way they've obviously hurt him.

Kurt always tries his best to act strong. To act unaffected. That's why seeing him this way, a break in the facade he wears, hurting and believing what he was told, pains him.

"You are none of those things, Kurt. You hear me? Just because you enjoy something more than someone else doesn't make you what they label you." He presses a kiss to Kurt's ear and whispers, "Don't give them that power."

"It's true, though." Kurt pulls away the slightest. "I slept around. Fucked whomever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I sought out sex any chance I could. I fucked complete strangers without a care. You saw that."

Blaine grimaces in disgust when he recalls seeing Kurt at that club a couple months ago. But quickly pushes the memory away. Focuses on the here and now when Kurt is his and no one else's.

"You enjoy sex, Kurt. There is nothing wrong with that. I will never judge you for your past. For what you want. The only problem is how you are trying to use sex in this relationship."

Kurt presses close to him. Winds his arms around his neck. "I'm scared."

"I know you're still scared about all this, darling. And I don't blame you for that. This is something new and terrifying for you. You put yourself in a vulnerable place. A place you said you never wanted to be." Blaine runs his hand through Kurt's damp hair. Feels him shiver when he skims his fingers down along the back of his neck. "But I won't let you use sex to hide from this. I want you to face this. To realize this will be okay. You'll be okay. If you let me be there for you. If you let yourself accept this relationship. Accept us."

"You'll show me? Be there?"

"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."


End file.
